Before you jump into any conclusion, let me clear the air. I am not a father! NOT being the key word here so that title is not reflective of my life as a father. Disappointed? I knew you were looking to start a conspiracy theory. Rumours would have started flying all over the place about how Kalya is a father. I'm pretty sure someone somewhere has just jumped to that conclusion. The guy just saw the title of the post and was like "Get out of the way, I got everything I need. That man, ladies and gentlemen, that man, (as he points his stubby fingers vigorously) Daniel Kalya, is a father!" Much to the shock of the crowd. Gasps filling the entire lobby. How there is an entire lobby filled with people who know me comes about I don't know. It cant be much of a surprise though. It may be filled with guys like you, mafans, if you may allow me to call you. Ardent and very committed readers of this blog. Anyway, before I digress too far, lemme continue. "Daniel Kalya, is a father! I saw it with my own two eyes! I saw it! He wrote about it! Look, here is the title. Fatherhood! What else could it mean?" some heartbroken lady, yes heartbroken! Confused? Don't be. Lemme explain it to you and break it down. See, the issue at hand here is that there is an allegation that I, Daniel Kalya, am a father. I have an offspring. The implication of that hypothesis, should it be true, is that, I am a taken man. That is a sign that I am completely off the market. Totally sold out, that means that this limited edition is gone. No more productions. That is reason enough to make many a beautiful ladies to shed tears. Imagine the sigh of relief on their faces when they actually open the link and actually find out that I am still childless. I have a feeling someone is rejoicing right now. Girlfriends are being called with the good news "He is not a father! Girl I was so scared. My heart was in despair girl. Despondent is the state I was in. Phewks! I'm glad that is over." Now, this is the point where I break your bubble. Ladies, I don't like putting you in despondent states, I am not that kind of guy but I'm afraid I'm taken. *Pauses for dramatic effect* no don't cry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Right now I'm hooked to the bait of one beautiful, lightskinned lady. Sorry for disappointing you. I really really am.
Anyway, on to serious matters. The topic of fatherhood is a very very serious matter. It affects all of us. Well, it came to me today as I was in fellowship. We were dealing on the topic of family relationships. That family relationships are actually worth fighting for. From the sharing, and from research in general, it is a fact that fathers are mostly the one that go missing in the lives of their children. The topic of fatherhood is close to me because I am a guy. First and foremost, I am a guy. In future, God-willing, God is going to bless me with children. I am actually going to be a father. You might be wondering why I am thinking about these things at this young age of my life but if I don't think about it now, when will I think about it? Now is the time when I look to the future and make choices. As a young man, this goes out to the guys who are reading it, now is the time when we make choices about the kind of men that we are going to be.
Most families have had situations of fathers being away. In fellowship, we were reading about the story of a lady called Holly. This lady went through a hard time. Her father walked away from them when she was only two years old, he remarried, basically he was absent her entire life, he came late for her wedding. It was just sad. Naturally, Holly was angry at her father. I mean, this was a guy who was meant to provide for her, to protect her, to guide her, to be her rock. He was not there to threaten to kill her boyfriends if they ever lay a hand on her precious daughter. She went through life without her father's presence. Naturally she was angry. Very angry for that matter. However, the amazing thing about her story is that, despite all this, she made an effort to reach out to her father. She remembered the times they spent together when she was young, she believed that a time would come when that special relationship would come back. She reached out to him. She texted him, called him just to say hi, visiting him and by God's grace, that relationship was restored. The relationship was restored so much that when her father was on his deathbed, wasting away because of cancer, he called her to tell her that he loved her. "I love you" is what he told her. Her attempts to reach out worked. While it may have not returned the years lost and gone by, at least it ended well.
Why did I say this, I might have digressed from the topic but the message is what is important. At times our relationship with our fathers especially is not the best. I don't know whether it is a problem with us men or what. At times we could be insensitive. Unlike our mothers who constantly care, men could have a superficial relationship with their children which is not good at all. At times that is not even their intention. Personally, I remember of a time when I couldn't really talk to my dad. The talks were the usual. Studies. Actually we only talked about my studies. You see, my dad was (and still is) very strict. He was a firm believer of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" which I thank God for because without it, I don't know where I would have been. I could be very naughty at times, and silly. Actually, the beatings I received as a child did me good. However, in the process of disciplining me, I got this fear factor. I couldn't like approach him because I feared him. However, I wanted more. I wanted more than just talking about grades and strategies to do better but I was scared to talk to him about it. One day though, I remember, we were waiting for my mom and I thought, "Lemme ask him something totally outside studies" I wanted to ask him but I couldn't. I went blank. I was scared! The guys who know me quite well know that my mind goes into total blankness when I am scared. Its like I go to the beginning of time where there was nothing and darkness covered the entire world. Akina Nyamwalo, Obath, Oreos know what I am talking about here. Anyway, I couldn't talk. I had to look for strength from deep within. Yaani, I mean deep, way way deep. I had to shovel for strength to ask him "Dad, can I ask you something which does not deal with studies" and he was like "Yes son" and we talked about relationships and all. From there, it was easy. I was even wondering why I was so scared. You see, I wanted to have that deeper connection with my dad. Here is the thing. He also wanted that. Other than being my father, he wanted to be my friend. That was the start of a whole new dimension in our father-son relationship. Right now we can talk about anything! We are friends. I am his friend and I can confidently say that he is my friend and I am proud of that.
I have said all that not to brag but to illustrate that some of the barriers we put between ourselves and our fathers are because of us. My father meant good disciplining me. However, I got scared and could not talk to him but all I had to do was talk to him. I believe that what was in his heart, that longing, the yearning to have a deeper connection with his son is in the hearts of all other fathers. Another thing could be the way that our fathers have been raised. It could be that they know that it is the children to reach out to them. From the way they have been, it is the fathers to be there. If the child needs anything, they should ask for it. That may be the mentality. However, we as the young generation. The next generation of fathers, I believe that we should change this. We should strive to have a relationship with our sons, our daughters. Make an effort to know them more. We should be able to know who our children are. That's the fatherhood that we should have. And even for those of us who do not have the best relationships with our parents. Take that step, take that leap of faith. Reach out to him. Text him, call him just to say hi. Not asking for money, just saying hi and kumjulia hali. Visit him someday. It may not be easy but be persistent. Remember the parable of the persistent widow? If not Luke 18:1-8 should refresh your memory. Persist and it will work out. God hears the cries of his children. For the Israelites it took 400 years but he answered and boy did he answer. All those manifestations! He hears and what is more. The healing that comes with a good relationship is just amazing! Reach out guys.
God bless y'all abundantly
