Homosexuality: A struggle of the faith

It’s a beautiful day people. The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the waves are crashing. Ok, you can scratch out that last part lest you think that I am in coast but I am pretty sure that the waves are crashing. Beach crashing. Talking about crashing, why is it called gatecrashers or is it crushers? I know it means guys coming to a place uninvited but crashing. Ooooh. Now I get it. Gatecrashers,  as in they crash. No? You are not getting it? Smh. Okay let me lighten your load. Lemme break it down. You see, a crash is something unwanted, it happens without expecting so when you gatecrash, you surprise the gate. You get it offguard and get in. Ideally, the gate should be closed. I know. That is the silliest explanation of gatecrashing ever given but do not blame me. I shall refer you to the Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary. The meaning of gatecrashing is expressed there. The etymology of the word however, is not explained. My bad, I lost you at etymology? Etymology basically means the origin. Keep up with the language will you?

Anyway, where was I? This habit of mine of digressing is becoming quite concerning. Well, I heard it happens to really bright people so I guess I am blessed. An active mind I tell you. Could be a burden at times. So many thoughts, so many wonderful ideas. See? I digressed again. It’s a struggle. Hehe. How fitting, considering the title of this post.

Ah! Finally I have led myself to what I am supposed to talk about, or is it write or is it speak? Anyway, the message. Well, I am just from watching a movie called Reconciliation. Very good movie. It’s a Christian movie. I highly recommend it to you. By the way, before I continue. Christian movies have a way of bringing tears to your eyes. I don’t know if it’s just me but I think in all the Christian movies I have watched, at one point I have had balancing tears in my eyes. I so hope I will not regret confiding in you. My manhood is at stake here. Or as my good friend Newnex once put it, my manhood is at steak! I still laugh about that to this very day. That one should come under the title “The struggle of our language.”  Before I redigress, yes. I do have those moments of balancing tears when I watch a movie and there is a sad part. Don’t you dare judge me. It is not my fault that you have a hardened heart. God will soften your heart someday.

I know you are expecting me to go ahead and tell you the plot of the movie but that is too mainstream. I am not telling you! However, watching the movie made me wonder. Okay, I may have to tell you some part of the movie. The movie is about this guy who had a wife. Now, the wife was pregnant and about to give birth (what else would she give). However, during the pregnancy, the guy started getting distant with his wife. He wouldn’t attend the birth classes (never understood the need for those), he only went for one doctor’s appointment with the wife, he suddenly got too busy with work to the extent of having to go sign a deal on their wedding anniversary. As usual, the wife felt bad. She caught (pardon my translation, it is for the sake of my international audience). So during the day when the guy was signing the deal on a Sunday after church, the wife got a call from a hospital asking for the husband. She said he wasn’t there but they could leave a message. She was told that her father-in-law wanted to see the son that he only had a few days to live. This was weird because her husband’s father had passed away years ago. Anyway, when the guy arrived home, he found the house decorated, candle-lit dinner, romantic dinner tables…look at all the ladies going “Awwwww.”  The guy trying to be enthusiastic, he’d brought a bouquet of flowers. However, he noticed that his wife wasn’t happy. He inquired why and that’s when he was told about the call. Of course the shock, trying to settle down and explain himself. To cut a long story short, the guy had cut off all links with his dad because the dad was gay. He wanted nothing to do with his father and changed his name to his mother’s maiden name when he was 18 and that was the reason he got distant when the wife got pregnant because he feared having a bad relationship with his son as he had had with his father.

Anyway, that is just a preview of the movie. What caught my eye with the movie was how they handled that issue of gays or rather, the issue of homosexuality. Well, one thing is that, homosexuality is regarded as a really bad evil. Like, it is really bad. Gays are usually stigmatized, guys talk bad about them. I do know that it is wrong. It is very very wrong as a matter of fact. However, this is the thing I found interesting with regards to the movie is how it was handled. It gave me a new kind of approach. Let’s look at 1^st Corinthians 6:9-10

                “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (ESV)”

From the verse, homosexuality has clearly been mentioned. But so has sexual immorality, so has adulterers been mentioned. Now, let us put our thinking hats shall we? Which is the greater sin? Which one is considered more wrong when you put adultery on one hand and homosexuality on the other hand? I know my answer. Homosexuality is the worse one. I mean, how does one man sleep with another man? And not like sharing a bed but like having sexual intercourse. However, let’s go back to the Bible. Adulterers and homosexuals both suffer the same fate. Now here is the thing. I am not here to pass judgement or any condemnation. I love John 3:17. Look at you all shocked. John 3 does not end in verse 16 my dear one (for guys just don’t read the dear part). It says

                “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Well that is the thing. Many of us, especially Christians, cannot come close to gays. You cannot greet them as normal people. That is where many Christians flee away from. Gays do have it rough. Here is the funny part. Christians will have hands and arms wide open for adulterers, fornicators, you know, guys who are struggling with sin but want nothing to do with gays while they are also God’s creation. One thing that I learnt from that movie is that, in as much as homosexuality is a choice, it is also a challenge that people face. The same way that we, as the youth of this generation, are faced with many challenges, challenges like masturbation, pornography, fornication, the older generation (our parents generation) are faced with adultery (Adultery is so rampant that ‘Mpango wa kando’ is a normal and accepted thing) is the same way that gays are struggling. Some of us who are blessed with good looks say that “I can’t help it that ladies flock me” and “Don’t hate the player, hate the game” and so you flirt and cheat because it is your weakness. The same way that time and time again you find yourself fornicating despite being a Christian. The same way that every time as a guy you find yourself lusting after a hot mama, or a hot chic. Guys accept it as a struggle and are willing to help each other through it. You know, counseling each other, reading scripture but when it comes to gays, theirs is a struggle of the faith just like the rest of us. It is a desire of the flesh also. It is weird, but it is true. It is a desire of the flesh. They are attracted to fellow men or fellow women. Therefore, my challenge is, as Christians, let us not take the high road of self-righteousness in a way where we look down at gays while ourselves we are struggling with other forms of immorality. Whether we like it or not, gays are in the same boat as the rest of us. It is for us to pray for wisdom on how we should deal with this problem. Because castigation is not the solution, stigmatization is not the solution. Disgust and hatred is not the solution. It is hard but James 1:5 says

                “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Gayism is part of the struggles our faith and it should be treated as such. Like all other challenges, people may not change but let us do our part. Have a blessed day and a blessed week.

In other news, witness 417 of the International Criminal Court just said that Kalenjins are “Tall, thin and black” I am bewildered. My identity is lost. I am definitely black but the other two…

Fatherhood

Before you jump into any conclusion, let me clear the air. I am not a father! NOT being the key word here so that title is not reflective of my life as a father. Disappointed? I knew you were looking to start a conspiracy theory. Rumours would have started flying all over the place about how Kalya is a father. I'm pretty sure someone somewhere has just jumped to that conclusion. The guy just saw the title of the post and was like "Get out of the way, I got everything I need. That man, ladies and gentlemen, that man, (as he points his stubby fingers vigorously) Daniel Kalya, is a father!" Much to the shock of the crowd. Gasps filling the entire lobby. How there is an entire lobby filled with people who know me comes about I don't know. It cant be much of a surprise though. It may be filled with guys like you, mafans, if you may allow me to call you. Ardent and very committed readers of this blog. Anyway, before I digress too far, lemme continue. "Daniel Kalya, is a father! I saw it with my own two eyes! I saw it! He wrote about it! Look, here is the title. Fatherhood! What else could it mean?" some heartbroken lady, yes heartbroken! Confused? Don't be. Lemme explain it to you and break it down. See, the issue at hand here is that there is an allegation that I, Daniel Kalya, am a father. I have an offspring. The implication of that hypothesis, should it be true, is that, I am a taken man. That is a sign that I am completely off the market. Totally sold out, that means that this limited edition is gone. No more productions. That is reason enough to make many a beautiful ladies to shed tears. Imagine the sigh of relief on their faces when they actually open the link and actually find out that I am still childless. I have a feeling someone is rejoicing right now. Girlfriends are being called with the good news "He is not a father! Girl I was so scared. My heart was in despair girl. Despondent is the state I was in. Phewks! I'm glad that is over." Now, this is the point where I break your bubble. Ladies, I don't like putting you in despondent states, I am not that kind of guy but I'm afraid I'm taken. *Pauses for dramatic effect* no don't cry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Right now I'm hooked to the bait of one beautiful, lightskinned lady. Sorry for disappointing you. I really really am.
Anyway, on to serious matters. The topic of fatherhood is a very very serious matter. It affects all of us. Well, it came to me today as I was in fellowship. We were dealing on the topic of family relationships. That family relationships are actually worth fighting for. From the sharing, and from research in general, it is a fact that fathers are mostly the one that go missing in the lives of their children. The topic of fatherhood is close to me because I am a guy. First and foremost, I am a guy. In future, God-willing, God is going to bless me with children. I am actually going to be a father. You might be wondering why I am thinking about these things at this young age of my life but if I don't think about it now, when will I think about it? Now is the time when I look to the future and make choices. As a young man, this goes out to the guys who are reading it, now is the time when we make choices about the kind of men that we are going to be.
Most families have had situations of fathers being away. In fellowship, we were reading about the story of a lady called Holly. This lady went through a hard time. Her father walked away from them when she was only two years old, he remarried, basically he was absent her entire life, he came late for her wedding. It was just sad. Naturally, Holly was angry at her father. I mean, this was a guy who was meant to provide for her, to protect her, to guide her, to be her rock. He was not there to threaten to kill her boyfriends if they ever lay a hand on her precious daughter. She went through life without her father's presence. Naturally she was angry. Very angry for that matter. However, the amazing thing about her story is that, despite all this, she made an effort to reach out to her father. She remembered the times they spent together when she was young, she believed that a time would come when that special relationship would come back. She reached out to him. She texted him, called him just to say hi, visiting him and by God's grace, that relationship was restored. The relationship was restored so much that when her father was on his deathbed, wasting away because of cancer, he called her to tell her that he loved her. "I love you" is what he told her. Her attempts to reach out worked. While it may have not returned the years lost and gone by, at least it ended well.
Why did I say this, I might have digressed from the topic but the message is what is important. At times our relationship with our fathers especially is not the best. I don't know whether it is a problem with us men or what. At times we could be insensitive. Unlike our mothers who constantly care, men could have a superficial relationship with their children which is not good at all. At times that is not even their intention. Personally, I remember of a time when I couldn't really talk to my dad. The talks were the usual. Studies. Actually we only talked about my studies. You see, my dad was (and still is) very strict. He was a firm believer of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" which I thank God for because without it, I don't know where I would have been. I could be very naughty at times, and silly. Actually, the beatings I received as a child did me good. However, in the process of disciplining me, I got this fear factor. I couldn't like approach him because I feared him. However, I wanted more. I wanted more than just talking about grades and strategies to do better but I was scared to talk to him about it. One day though, I remember, we were waiting for my mom and I thought, "Lemme ask him something totally outside studies" I wanted to ask him but I couldn't. I went blank. I was scared! The guys who know me quite well know that my mind goes into total blankness when I am scared. Its like I go to the beginning of time where there was nothing and darkness covered the entire world. Akina Nyamwalo, Obath, Oreos know what I am talking about here. Anyway, I couldn't talk. I had to look for strength from deep within. Yaani, I mean deep, way way deep. I had to shovel for strength to ask him "Dad, can I ask you something which does not deal with studies" and he was like "Yes son" and we talked about relationships and all. From there, it was easy. I was even wondering why I was so scared. You see, I wanted to have that deeper connection with my dad. Here is the thing. He also wanted that. Other than being my father, he wanted to be my friend. That was the start of a whole new dimension in our father-son relationship. Right now we can talk about anything! We are friends. I am his friend and I can confidently say that he is my friend and I am proud of that.
I have said all that not to brag but to illustrate that some of the barriers we put between ourselves and our fathers are because of us. My father meant good disciplining me. However, I got scared and could not talk to him but all I had to do was talk to him. I believe that what was in his heart, that longing, the yearning to have a deeper connection with his son is in the hearts of all other fathers. Another thing could be the way that our fathers have been raised. It could be that they know that it is the children to reach out to them. From the way they have been, it is the fathers to be there. If the child needs anything, they should ask for it. That may be the mentality. However, we as the young generation. The next generation of fathers, I believe that we should change this. We should strive to have a relationship with our sons, our daughters. Make an effort to know them more. We should be able to know who our children are. That's the fatherhood that we should have. And even for those of us who do not have the best relationships with our parents. Take that step, take that leap of faith. Reach out to him. Text him, call him just to say hi. Not asking for money, just saying hi and kumjulia hali. Visit him someday. It may not be easy but be persistent. Remember the parable of the persistent widow? If not Luke 18:1-8 should refresh your memory. Persist and it will work out. God hears the cries of his children. For the Israelites it took 400 years but he answered and boy did he answer. All those manifestations! He hears and what is more. The healing that comes with a good relationship is just amazing! Reach out guys.
God bless y'all abundantly

This mouth of mine!

James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
This is one verse that is of great importance not only to Christian believers, but to every human being. The thing with this verse, however, is that it contradicts nearly every fibre of the human being, okay, okay, Miss Perfect, don't look at me like that! It contradicts nearly every fibre of my being. You see, I am the kind of guy who blurts out stuff before really thinking about them. Many times I gave stopped myself to think about what I'm going to say and I literally have nothing on my mind. Those are the times I stop and tell myself "Hmmm, that's weird" shrug and continue with whatever it is I was doing at the time. At times I could literally be diagnosed with verbal diarrhoea. Talking endlessly and yet saying nothing. Those moments where in the middle of a speech you say "What am I saying?" and "Wait, I seem to have lost myself. Remind me what I was talking about."
Most times I am big-mouthed. Very big mouthed. Especially if we are used to each other, yaani, kama tumezoeana. I can say the most random and stupidest of things. Things that I really cant explain later how I said them or why I even said them. I know this may come as a surprise to some of you who know me as the cute (you are rolling your eyes? I had said hunk then just decided to me modest. I thought about it) quiet, shy guy. The guy who never says much, just smiles and keeps to himself. Well, to you who knows me in this manner, NEWSFLASH: You don't know me. Don't feel too bad though. Now is your chance to get to know me. I'm pretty sure I can fit you in my schedule. Rolling your eyes again? Good, coz we are making progress. You are actually knowing me. Oh! I'm such a good teacher of myself. Biggup Kalya! *pats self on the back*
Anyway, what am I trying to say? Where was I? Owh yes. I was saying how much of a big-mouth I am. Especially when it comes to sarcasm and the silly questions well-answered. I remember when I was in high school. That is when I got to perfect the art of answering guys' silly questions really, really well. Many times my classmates, especially one Mr. Allan Ronoh (follow him on twitter @honor_ronoh. Weird handle right? well, don't blame him) would tell me "Kalya siku moja utakam kupigwa ju ya hio mdomo yako. Ngoja ile siku utapana na msee hujazoeana naye." For my international readers, well the guy was basically warning me that one day I would get my ass whooped coz of my big mouth. Luckily for me, his warnings never came to pass. I have ever got into trouble because of of my big-mouth though. I remember this time in primary I got into an argument with a good friend of mine. Read good friend. It was something to do with washing the classroom. The problem was (I think it still is) this friend of mine had a really short fuse. So the argument graduated from a simple disagreement to a war of words where I was like a Gor Mahia fan but in this case, rather than throwing stones, I was throwing words. Soon I found myself daring him to punch me. And a punch is what I got. Straight between the teeth. The guy got me mid-sentence right on my teeth! the incisors to be exact! And you wonder why I had to put on braces in high school.
Other than that, I remember when I got into trouble for being too smart with my mom. My own mother. Some of you don't see any problem with that? well let me clarify. My mom has a PhD! and here is a boy of short stature (at that time I was shorter than her) boasting of only a primary school certificate (which I had not collected) trying to act smart with her. I gave her one of those smart answers to a silly question and boy, oh boy. The scolding I got, the threats, chills, chills, cold chills went down my spine. Never have I been put in my place like that day. Needless to say, that has never happened again, not that the temptations haven't been there, trust me, they have. Some opportunities just throwing themselves at me. Especially from my dad but no. I turn the other chic and say "No, Kalya, its a trap. a mighty big one" and I take a deep breath and walk away. Coming to think of it, as I walk away, Kenny Rodgers song 'The Gambler' always plays in my mind.
                                                       You gotta know when to hold em
                                                       know when to fold em
                                                       know when to walk away
                                                       know when to run..
You see, all those problems have been brought about by my inability to at times be slow to speak. Being too quick off the tongue and you know, the thing with words, is that they are not retractable. Its not like you can collect your words. You cannot swallow your words, but you can your pride. This whole thing being talked about in James 1:19 has the potential of breaking good relationships. As I said earlier, these things affect guys who are used to each other. Because with guys who you are used to, you can be yourself. You can let loose and say things that might hurt them. It is your friends who know you. Your friends are the ones who know that you are short tempered. They are the ones who know that you talk a lot, that you are impatient. This is because you are free among your friends. You are in your comfort zone and with that, boundaries are at times breached. Level of respect goes down. You don't think about what you say and you just say them. Or you overreact to a simple thing, I mean, the same argument can be used the other way. You also know your friends. You know their characteristics, so rather than being quick to anger, relax, think about it, if there is an explanation, listen to it. Be quick to listen to it and be slow to speak because at that moment, what you say is of importance. Words have the ability to scare a person. They have the ability to pierce a person. The tongue has the ability to build and to destroy. It can build friendships, solid and long-lasting friendships or it can destroy good friendships.
All in all, think about what you say. It makes a big difference. It can hurt and scare, or encourage and build. Be a listener. Listen first before saying something. Give the person a chance to explain himself or herself and finally be slow to anger. Just take a deep breath in, then out, think about it, then go ask the person to explain himself. You see, its a cycle. I know it is tough (at least for me it can be tough) but its so worth it. So very worth it. Just take a look back and think of the conflicts you have been in and judge whether it was caused by lack of any one of those three factors.
Anyway, go in peace and make it your lifestyle to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. God bless y'all abundantly.

PS I didn't put on the braces coz of the punch I got to the teeth. Jeez! how weak do you think my teeth were?

Useless Politicking

Well, well, well. Its the eve of August. Pretty exciting right? okay well, maybe cold. Being on a break from school is very refreshing and I intend to stay away from school stuff till I get back. This break might be doing some damage to me though. The amount of blankness that is in my mind is riveting, see? I don't even know whether I've used the word riveting correctly but I wont remove it. At least it makes me look intelligent and my work may be perceived to be very coherent. Now, before you accuse me of being verbose, I shall stop bombarding you with bombastic words but if you cannot comprehend the ingenuity of my post, please don't blame yourself. Blame my rigorous academic pedagogy and my linguistic prowess. okay seriously I better stop now before I make you question your entire academic journey and cause you to demand a refund of your fees. So, remind me what I was talking about. Oh yes, the eve of August. Yes 1st August will mark eight months since I asked a certain young lady to go out with me as I decided to venture in this quest of love. A BEAUTIFUL lady if I may add. Mark you, I'm using the word beautiful just to be modest. I don't want some of you thinking that I brag but yes, she is quite a catch. For some reason, when I asked her, she said yes. Flabbergasted? Don't be. Actually, you shouldn't be. I mean who wouldn't say yes to yours truly?
I don't know why I told you all that, I just felt like sharing, to create a bond with you but that's that. Let me go to what has brought you here this fine evening (or day, depending on your time zone).

Politics, politics, politics. This thing, this animal that rears its head every day. It basically is our news. Politics here, politics there. Jubillee and CORD, the main subjects. While the elections were done with like 5 months ago, bitterness is still rife in this great nation of ours. Guys are insulting each other like everywhere especially in the social media. Tribal wars or if I may say tribal cyber wars are there all over. While you may say, "But that is how our nation is, it is in our DNA" and other feeble attempts to justify this nasty thing, I think and I truly believe that this is a source of concern for me especially.
You see, in facebook, I am in a group formed by guys who I was with in high school, as a matter of fact, the founders of a group are guys who were behind me ie they are younger than me and the group was created to "Make A Difference." Of course, having being in a national school (though private). No, sorry, let me rephrase that. Having been to the BEST high school in this country, ie school number one (check this year's results, the school that led) we have people from all corners of the country and from various communities, both male and female (the beauty is that it is a mixed school). As a result, this group is very diverse, guys have different ideologies support different people. Is having diversity wrong? absolutely not!! as a matter of fact, it is very good. With diversity comes harmony, and unity, and integration and eventually development. Prior to the elections, stuff were good, guys were interacting very well and I thought "Yes, this is how it should be. This is MY generation, the way we are doing, in the next couple of elections we will be issue based" I had hope. I felt great. Then came the elections. Of course we all know that the elections were disputed in court and the court decided. The opposition may not have been satisfied but the elected government took office. That done, essentially, we were supposed to move on and everything but apparently that hasn't happened. After the elections I saw guys going back to the tribal caves, saying how they will reproduce more, how this is a government of only two tribes (to some extent it is a point looking at the cabinet appointments) and even further of guys supporting revolutions. Egyptian style! some of these guys calling for revolutions are barely out of high school. I don't think they voted, they haven't started university but here they are calling for a revolution. That is a course of concern for me. If guys our age, guys who are enlightened. Guys of the social media age are meant to be beyond this. But if we have young guys our age having all tribal connotations and insulting each other it is a course of concern. I mean, these are guys who studied with you, you interacted together, played ball together, were punished together, our parents struggled to pay the fees (the school is fairly pricy) you learnt together but guys still go back to the tribal shells and caves. It is a concern when it is our generation doing that.
I admit. The older generation (our parents' generation) are fairly tribal but we should not blame them. It all started with multiparty politics. When section 2A was repealed (I hope I have my history right) political parties were formed to protect each other's community. This was seen up to these past elections. URP, TNA, ODM, name them they were tribal based. Am I saying that the constitution should be amended to remove these political parties, maybe I am, and maybe I am not. What I am saying is that we should look beyond our tribes when it comes to such decisions. We should have policies, clear and well thought out, well-defined structure. Have efficient systems. These are what we should be looking at and calling for, not being agents of propaganda here and there. You just hear something and go about saying without thinking about this "Oooo Jubillee this, Ooooo CORD that.." and blaming members of a particular community for something. We got to grow beyond that. Take the recent teachers strike for instance. It is the Jubillee government. You hear guys saying, "Oooo tribe X (to avoid mentioning tribes) are stealing our money, tribe Y tumeibiwa" yet, the teachers were all over the counry. Its not like teachers from central were paid while those from Nyanza were not paid. It was national, yet from that people were spreading propaganda everywhere alienating each other on the basis of our tribes. Having useless politicking if I may say.
All in all, I am trying to say that we should look beyond our tribes. Lets think first before saying stuff. Unite together and argue on ideas not on people and their names. You see, ideas develop the nation, tribal arguments bring bitterness.
Let me explain it this way. With tribes, it brings a sense of belonging. It has a sense of belonging. Therefore, using tribes it brings a sense of victimization to those who lost. "We lost as a community" it brings bitterness and you tend to go deeper within yourself as a community so as to win. However, with ideas, you may improve each other and borrow from each other. Matters to do with belonging are very close to the heart and that explains the tragic post election violence.
Violence, in my view could be avoided if we focus on ideas and selling the ideas to everyone, not just "My people". That is why I get very concerned when I see young people, oozing with talent, bright people using tribal arguments coz we are the change that we want. It starts with us.
Michael Jackson was very insightful when he sang Man in the mirror.
In the chorus, he sang
                                   I'm Starting With The Man In
                                   The Mirror
                                 I'm Asking Him To Change
                                 His Ways
                                And No Message Could Have
                               Been Any Clearer
                               If You Wanna Make The World
                             A Better Place
                             Take A Look At Yourself, And
                            Then Make A Change
 Its true. for us to make that change, it starts with us, within us. Break away from the useless politicking of tribes and lets look at issues and not just criticize, but also come up with solutions.
God bless y'all

Street Children: They are also God's children

So this month of February is finally coming to a close. I am quite sure that a good number of my male friends are delighted to see the end month finally arriving. If you wanted to get the real meaning of living hand to mouth, you should have looked for some of my friends. The damage that was done to them was more than material. Wallets were emptied on February the 14th, the wallets were never the same again. Looking through some of my friends wallets you just find business cards to show for their hustles in life. Any currency that was stumbled upon disappeared as fast as it came around. Ladies, please next year, can you just take Valentines day to be like any other day? Just wear red and be contented with it. Please no more suffering. Well, this was the plight of many of my male colleagues. I, on the other hand, am proud to say that I escaped unscathed and unscalped. For the nineteenth year in a row!!!! Well, last year I was stood up but oooh well, that was one of the cases where you wake up on the fifteenth of February and your broken ego is soothed by the sight of currency in your wallet. Anyway, where was I? Yes, for the 19th time I escaped the horror of Valentines day. That must be a record right? Anyone with the number of the Guiness Book of Records, anyone? Guys I know you have, just because Ulitobokwa (that means, pierced or rather those who were drained financially to my international audience) doesnt mean you have to do this. C'mon, help a brother out. 
I see some of you are wondering "How does he manage to do that at such a consistent level?" I hate to brag, but I must say, I am the Ryan Giggs of escaping Valentines day. I should get a title for that. Something like, Daniel Kalya, the Valentines Avoider! Stop frowning, its a work in progress can Valentines Vanisher work? Naaah. I'm still working on it, chillax mayne dont pressure me. This is the Valentines Exceptionee at work. Drat! my creative muse is hiding from me. Come out come out wherever you are. I'll get you someday.
To continue with my brag. Its not that I dont care for my girlfriend. Our love goes beyond Valentines Day (Thats the excuse I used and guess what, it worked. All ye men must be hating me right now) and to add on to that, I delegated the Valentines day dinner to some one else. For once the friend zone did me some good (I so hope he doesnt see this coz he will definately demand for a refund). While ye men were busy sweating over the bill and the 22K champaigne, I was happy that Manchester United managed to get out of the Santiago Bernabeau with a point and an away goal. You see, for most of you Feb is Valentines month, for me it is Champions League month and for the sake of my friend one Ken Kiptoo and other Chelsea fans, EUROPA month. I just felt pain writing that. Lemme get a barf bag.
Anyway, enough small talk. Now today as I was heading from the gym. Why the surprise and the shocked faces? Yes, I do gym. I actually started last week. You see, getting home to mama's cooking made my already pronounced belly start to shout so I saw it fit to hit the gym. And no, there arent visible changes yet. Anyway, as I was leaving the gym today, I was heading to see whether I could get a bus home. You see, I live in an institution (NO! not a mental institution) a school institution and every day it brings school employees to town and picks up sufferes like us. So today, I missed that bus. I went and bought some fruits and on my way back, I saw the university bus. I ran to board it but apparently the driver was going somewhere else and coming back at 8 pm. it was around 7 pm then. So I alighted and started debating whether to go take a mat or just wait for the bus. I was heading to some bench that is usually around Standard Chartered bank (for those who know Nakuru) I passed between some curio shop and there was a street kid there playing (or rather destroying) with an airtel board. I passed him and he called out "Boss, nisaidie 10" as is the norm, I ignored him but he didnt stop he went calling "Boss, boss", I ignored and thought maybe he had given up but he hadnt. He ran besides me and was like "Boss, nisaidie 10 ya chai" I stopped and turned to him. I then thought "Maybe I could ask him a few questions to kill time"
For the sake of my international audience (But do I say?) I shall present the conversation in English. "That tea, where will you buy it from?" he pointed to some place and said "Its near those aerials" ( I am resorting to Kiswahili, sorry international community) I said okay and asked "Utapata chai ya ten bob kweli?" and he was like "Chai huanzia kitu 15 bob, lakini hio 10 itasaidia tu" I thought and then asked him whether he goes to school. He told me he goes to school and pointed in the general direction. He then told me that that was a school for the needy "Huko tu tunasaidiwa tusome na pia chakula. iko uko chini, kwa father. tunapewangwa chakula asubuhi, na lunch halafu jioni lazima tujitafutie chakula, ndo sasa tunakujanga town ndo tupate kitu ya kukula halafu baadae tutarudi uko tu shule. Shule watoto wadogo wanalalanga kitchen, tunapewa magunia halafu tunalala tu uko kwa kitchen" What he told me made me sympathise with him. So I asked him how he came till town and he told me after school he would just walk till town, beg for money then go back. I asked him how he would go back to school and he said he just walks, sometimes alone and sometimes with his fellow schoolmates. He then told me how if he gets some extra money he would save so that he could buy some shoes foe 200 shillings. he showed me his shoes and told me they werent even two months old but they were so worn out and he takes some extra cash to his teacher to help him get the shoes (or something of the sort. I didnt quite understand that part)
I asked the boy his name, and he told me that he is called John Kamau, he then told me how his mother had run away to Nairobi and his father is in Narok. His parents just deserted him. I asked him his age and he told me "Niko na miaka kumi na moja". My brother (our last born) is 11 years old. He is his agemate and it really pained me to think of parents deserting their children. I imagined what would my life have been had my own parents deserted me. What would have happened to my baby sister and baby brother? I wouldnt have turned out the way I am. I would have been worse than John.
I asked John about his safety and whether guys get beat up and he told me that they dont beat each other up and that what happens is that if someone does him wrong, he'll just mark him and tell his older friends who will revenge for him. I asked him his teacher's name and he told me "Teacher Ben" and how he takes some money to teacher Ben to save for him.
Despite all these, one thing really impressed me about this boy. The boy makes bead necklaces. he told me how he could buy beads for 20 bob and make necklaces which he sells to some guy for 20 bob. He had put one on and he removed it and showed it to me. It was a good necklace. It had red, white and black beads and something like a medallion at the front. I was amazed. He told me he even hadnt bought those beads, he had just picked them up. I was amazed and at the same time I was sad and felt sorry for the boy. Here is a boy with massive massive potential. Evidently bright, he has passed through alot for a boy his age. Being deserted by parents, having to sleep in a gunia, having to hustle money from people, some of whom insult him and treat him like an animal, but he is just a boy. A boy like you and I used to be. We had bikes to ride on but he has municipal council officers to run away from. We had a place to call home and beds to sleep on, but he has a gunia and the cold hard kitchen floor to call home. We had teachers and some of us even personal tutors but he only knows of Teacher Ben. Life hasnt been fair to this young boy. You look at your life and you thank God for what you have. Some if not most of us complain that what we have isnt enough but we ought to give thanks to God and not take anything for granted. I know it may seem hard especially for litlle John to do this, but the Bible tells us to give thanks in all circumstances (I cant seem to find the verses at the moment). What gives me hope is that the BIble tells us that God is the father to the fatherless, defender of the weak. He will provide for little John and many others like him. However, what I ask you and myself is, Are they really hopeless? Is there anything I can possibly do to help out? because it is not fair for a child to go through such. it is not right. anyway guys, have a good night and God bless you.
PS March is coming soon, my birthday is in March, my M-Pesa lines remains open at all times.
For feedback, you can email me Kalyadaniel@gmail .com or tweet me @Danielkalya.
God bless you and touch a heart

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Happy February to you all. (I am still tempted to say "Happy new year!" but most of you are already tired of the new year) so finally February is here. The month of 'Loooooove' yes I know some of you are rolling your eyes at that but I know you, especially for the ladies! Valentine's day is the day most counted after number of days to KCPE and KCSE, yes, it beats christmas and Easter and Halloween (do people even do that in Kenya) now is the time when girls are all nice and good to us guys, all in a bid to escape the dreaded #teamforeveralone on Feberuary 14th, thereafter is when they'll go back to their usual selves, you know, ATT and the like and eyerolling, just like you are doing right now. Yes, I see you, and you too.
As valentine's day is the most awaited day for our beautiful and wonderful ladies (take that compliment, you wont get it alot from me) for guys its the most dreaded day of the year, the time of the year when all men are viewed to be santa. The demands that come our way during valentine's day! only the good Lord knows how we deal with it. I am pretty sure some guys are auctioning their girlfriends at the moment and those with no girlfriends but have those very close friends, you know, the ones who have friendzoned them, are really trying to close up business deals for valentines so that they get to be away, apparently, Valentine's day is the day when the friendzone is done away with, to be resuming at 12 midnight February 15th or even at 4pm February 14th depending on how early your date eneded. Mayne those who have friendzoned you but have no dates will be on your case so my fellow men, flee while you still can, when your body is still young and your wallent still heavy (its early Feb you know, still falls under 'end month') I pity bankers even more, Valentines day is their proper defination of mid-month, i mean being paid on the 24th, by 14th guys are as broke as......let me just say the similie 'as poor as a church mouse' fits them well here. Its ironic though, with them working in the bank and being broke, all that money within their reach but they cant have it, oooh the pain, so close yet so far. So, in the spirit of fellowship and support to my fellow men, even I, offer my girlfriend for Valentine, any takers? shez hot!!!! aaah I see hands. You, the one in the skinny jeans, she doesnt like those, get out! You, in supras, you are too young son, where is your ID, take your high school ID and go, aaaaah you, the only problem is that you are a wee bit to the lighter side, you see, she likes melanin, so I am afraid you have to leave, No sir, racism only applies when it is the dark fellows being victimised, yes adios, have a good time sir, you really missed a guuuudi one here. So i guess its me and her this Valentine's, not that I had any doubt about that. she wouldnt have taken any one though, its hard to be at my level. (yes, i see those eyerolls, Its true though)
What am I even saying, I have totally digressed from what I am to talk about, you see how Valentine's can affect a man, this is the time when a man's life can go totally downhill. A combination of spending, closely followed by rejection, is a good recipe for disaster. Chef Ramsey certified. Before I re-digress (is there anything like that?) where was I? Aaaaaah, Anger management.
Now anger is an issue that all of us are faced with and have to deal with. Everyone has anger, even the ones who put smiles on their faces 24/7 ask clowns, they'll tell you. I mean, with kids all over yanking your I dont know what and smacking you, these guys have to exercise alot of tolerance and self-control.
Anger is something that, if not dealt with, can cause alot of problems in a person's life, in how they relate to others and just many many things. Of course the ideal situation in life is there to be no anger, but unfortunately, this is not the case, we are all different people and people are bound to annoy each other and bore each other, and irritate each other, the issue is how to deal with these situations. Of course the root solution to the problem is to avoid angering others ( Is there such a word as angering?) but you get my point. Evidently, the universe decided to say NO to this approach so lets move on to the next point, how this anger can be managed to avoid escalations to the levels we saw during the PEV's and the recent (and sadly ongoing) Tana River clashes. You may think that anger is a small thing but it isnt, people kill others coz of anger. I believe you have heard of brothers killing each other because of the anger that is and was boiled and bottled up inside them, eventually it has to come out, someday, somehow.
Personally, I like talking it out with whoever is angry at me or whoever I am angry at, I have this condition, I dont know whether you have heard about it, but it is called "Lack of sleep" whenever I know somebody somewhere is angry at me, or I am angry at someone, more so if it is someone I love and care about, you know, my dad, my mum, my sister, I've never had any issues with my bro (but I guess thats coz of the age difference, my girlfriend, my close friends, I mean those people who are part of your life in some way. there are of course those who you dont really dont give much thought to them, I just let what they say pass, I experienced this alot in high school especially, you know, being in a school where your father is the principal, people are bound to talk and tell you stuff, these are the times when you should just let it pass and dont give it much thought.
This lack of sleep condition is genetic I believe, my father also cant sleep when he is mad at me or I am mad at him, many are the times we've been talking till like 2 am just sorting ourselves out, the procedure is usually the same, one of us does something wrong, (99% of the time being me) we keep quiet, he talks to me, I shut down, he gets mad, I get mad, tempers flare, we become reasonable at like midnight, then have a heart to heart. This is usually the most wonderful time, we get to know each other talk and be happy of each other's presence and both go to bed with smiles, hugging and laughing and in the morning everything is fine, asking each other how we slept, crack jokes and we continue living happily. My mother's approach is quite different, she never goes off the handle, she keeps quiet and waits, like a tigress and pounces at the right moment (she teaches psychology you know, I am the lab-rat) with a lecture I usually never forget, in a loving motherly way and she gets her point across and she is always right.
With my dad, I know everything would change if I dont shut down, so these days I tell him everything, well, almost everything about me, what I have, what I do, whats going on in my life, I know most of you wont believe this but I talk to him about girls, A LOT! and he offers me advice. The thing with anger, is we shouldnt let something that was meant to be happy cause tension. I remember a time when I had gone with some friends of mine to a certain school to give them a talk, that day I got in the zone (come to think, of it, I am always in the zone hehe) and ended up talking alot, preaching and basically covered up like everything everyone else had to say, my mum was so proud of me that day and we went home and my mum was telling my dad how I did well that day and instinctively, my dad wanted to know about it and asked me, I, in an effort to be 'humble', not to brag about what I achieved, gave him vague answers, I didnt mean any harm because I would have preffered my mum to tell him what happened, but by doing this, I was locking out my father from hearing what his son had donee, and theres no worse feeling than when you feel locked out by a person you love, I am sure many of you can attest to this. It is so frustrating, because here you are, stretching out to reach out to this person, but you are being blocked, every single attempt is thwarted. You feel so helpless, for us (my dad and I, we get sooo mad!) you want to talk to this person, share in his or her joy but its like talking to a wall! you need to talk to this person, you've got so much to share but you cant let it out. It is so frustrating. So that day, My dad got soooo frustrated, he got up, and threw his phone to the wall ( I shall not disclose its make), he threw it with so much force, the phone broke, he picked it up and just went and threw it in the dustbin and that is when it hit me, "Kalya, this wasnt nice at all at all" that night my dad tried to go to bed but he couldnt, he came out and we talked, I apologized and we just had a nice loving talk, needless to say, nothing of the sort has ever happened again.
And it happens like that, despite being angry, we shouldnt shut people who love us from our lives, communications is key, in any relationship, in family, boy-girl relationship, relationships between friends and relatives. Think about it, how many times have you and your family or girlfriend or boyfriend got into a fight just because you didnt talk or he didnt talk (or her?), you know, you went and met your girlfriend or boyfriend and he did something that you didnt like but instead of telling him or her that this wasnt nice, you keep it to yourself and later lock him out. I am sure many of you, especially guys, have got the silent treatment (my mum also gives me that sometimes) and you wonder, "What did I do?" you try talking but you get nothing, its even better talking to a wall, in the end you both get mad. How many relationships have broken because of this? think about it. How many families have ended in disarray because of this? the answer is alot! many many many.
One guy I really respect when it comes to communication is my high school deskmate. One Mr. Ken (you can follow him on twitter @capoKenn. He is very silly though) this guy and I used to frustrate each other alot!!! A lot I tell you but we never hesitated to tell the other once he crossed the line "Ken, hii ni nini unafanya? upuzi utaacha" and we'd sort it out like men. keeping thoughts and 'catching' without saying anything had a term 'Umathe' "Umathe utaacha", he told me several times whenever I was being all moody and broody, he also got his fair shair of the tongue lash as well, and this lead to a long and fruitful relationship as deskmates ( That just sounded so wrong) but it is the case, mark you, each of us had been dumped by our previous deskmates, I think coz of being too awesome, but I know that may be under contention, but it was a match made in heaven (okay, I know, I have gone too far) but it was as a result of communication and watching our tongues. Even the Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1
                                   A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
So let  us strive to talk and let others know what we think or feel, this helps alot in creating a harmonious environment. keeping it in will just bring issues later cos in Luke 6:45, the Bible tells us,
                                  The good man brings good things out of the things stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart . For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So let us strive to talk things out, for if we keep it in, we shall talk, and talk in abundance. Have a blessed Sunday y'all and a wonderful month of love and a blessed blessed year. Peace, I'm out

ARE YOU MAN ENOUGH?

Happy new year 2013 to you reading this post.  Its an amazing year isn’t it? For me the year looks bright and I am just glad to have been granted the gift of life by the Almighty to see this new year. 2013. Did you know that 2013 is the year of Jubilee?? No, not the coalition (but it may be, who knows) but the year of Jubilee. Apparently 2013 is a Biblical year. Read Leviticus 25 to get more of that (I have not read it yet as well but I will do that. Ama someone to read it to me and tell me what it is about) anyway, I am happy to have seen the year 2013. I crossed the year with some psyche I tell you. Pomp and colour. I saw fireworks for the first time. Both literally, and figuratively. The best crossing over to the new year I have had in my 19 nearing 20 years of life.

Anyway, away with the pleasantries of the new year, let us get down to business. Today’s post is meant for men. So ladies you can log off and sign out at your own pleasure but if you are reading with a man, this is the moment for you to shut your eyes. Okay, okay. Jeez! I knew you wont go anywhere. These women of these days. I say its meant for men and here you are still reading this. Okay I now give up. You can read it then but don’t say I didn’t tell you to shut your eyes.

Today I ask the question: Are you man enough? Well, many people or rather many men, or should I say dudes or guys, ok many members of the male species have taken the wrong approach to being man enough. Many think being man enough is judged by the size of your phallus (Read: Penis, for those of us who were not fortunate enough to go to academies but instead went to primary school. I don’t even know whether I have spelt phallus correctly but anyway, its my blog. What I say, goes but I am open to correction). That’s but only one approach. Others think that being man enough is judged by the number of chics you have laid, or rather banged and a belief that is cropping up is that if you haven’t got laid by a certain age, you are a failure as a man and your manhood is referred to as a vestigial organ (yes, don’t act all shocked. I still remember my Biology) well, I think that this kind of thinking is, in my father’s words “Upuzi” and many guys get all kind of praise for the number of chics they have banged and the more the merrier and the more revered you are among your peers. Well, to be honest, this kind of thinking is, in polite terms, primitive.

I am not saying that I am not a victim of this kind of thinking, well I have never got laid or banged a chic if I must say, but as a guy, you get some kind of pride in the number of chics you are able to ‘ingiza box’ I mean, who doesn’t like it when a bevy of chics are all over you complimenting you and making you feel like Hercules? I am not against guys getting to know chics and having fun with them but there is a limit and this is especially for those who are tied down, you know, those who are in commitments and in relationships. When in a relationship, you must show how much of a man you are. A real man does not go about flirting with every Tatiana, Diana and Harriet ( the female version of Tom, Dick and Harry) while you have a girlfriend or wife. It just isn’t right. A real man doesn’t go about kissing every girl within an arms length of your lips (wait, does that even make sense) okay at an arms length. It is not right. A real man does not go grinding every chic he lays his eyes on in the club or on the dancefloor. A real man does not go about touching touching every woman on his way inappropriately, while at the time singing to Pliers Please Excuse My Hands. Keep your hands to yourself boy!!! A real man does not go about disrespecting women and looking down upon them all because you were ‘circumcised’. Circumcision doesn’t pay the bills boy! Circumcision is meant to make you a man, teach you how to treat women with respect, give them the affection they require and crave for, uplift the ladies, be responsible, be assertive, be innovative, be a helper to those around you. Circumcision is meant to teach you morals and not vices like spending the whole day in the village pub drinking then going home to demand food from your mother. You do not deserve to eat boy! You deserve a thorough beating. Circumcision is not meant for you to disrespecting women and treating them like objects and servants telling them that the kitchen is their place, that their only work is to feed you, clothe you, and give you babies. No mayne that’s not how to be a man.

The list is endless on what real men are not supposed to do. I believe that real men are not supposed to be banging every chic they lay their eyes on.

What has made me say all these today??? Well, I realized that I happen to be a victim of these false men. These men who are not supposed to be there. These men that we are trying to eradicate and our mothers and sisters are complaining so hard about. I may be in a relationship, in a commitment to a young fine beautiful lady but here I am, totally checking other chics out. Here I am, kissing other chics behind her back, and living with myself in the name of “What you don’t know wont hurt” and so I continue with these filthy and disgusting ways of life. Well, here is some newsflash for you. The Bible tells us that “What is done in the dark shall be brought to life” unfortunately right now I don’t remember exactly the portion of scripture that is from but if I remember I shall let you know. However, you should not be a real man just because you are threatened. You should strive to be a man who can be looked upon. Who guides his siblings. Who tells his sister(s) on what type of guys they should avoid and who is ready to punch the daylights of anyone who dares come within striking distance of his sister’s essentials. We should be the men who make our parents proud. The Bible, in Proverbs 10:1 says:

            “….A wise son brings joy to his father but a foolish son, heartache to the mother”

My fellow men, let us strive to be wise sons. Let us stand up and keep our ballz in check. They will not dissolve or go away if we don’t keep laying girls all over the place.

One thing we need to realize and I realized today is that, we cannot remain faithful and be real men by our own abilities and strengths. Many are the times I have thought that “Aaaah. I can resist the girls’ advances by myself” My brother you are deceiving yourself. This thing needs God’s help and hand to strengthen us. Look at the number of married men chasing after young girls in this country. Mpango wa kando has become a norm in the society all in the name of men saying “I have a business meeting” we have teachers hitting on their primary school pupils (I witnessed this in my primary school) and teachers in high school hitting on their students. You say you are not like that but you continue kissing that girl or those girls and none of them is your girlfriend, you continue flirting  with every chic you can talk to, you lead chics on and bang them left right and center, you go about cheating on your girlfriend. What makes you think that you are different from all those other men that ladies are complaining about. We are not different from those men. We just have to gird our loins and raise our standards.

I believe its not too late to make resolutions, it is still the first week of January and I, Daniel Kalya Kiptiony, being of sane and sound mind, do solemnly resolve, to being a real man. I hope you make the resolution too…….Ladies you can now open your eyes. Its all clear.

For feedback, you can email me at: Kalyadaniel@gmail.com