So this month of February is finally coming to a close. I am quite sure that a good number of my male friends are delighted to see the end month finally arriving. If you wanted to get the real meaning of living hand to mouth, you should have looked for some of my friends. The damage that was done to them was more than material. Wallets were emptied on February the 14th, the wallets were never the same again. Looking through some of my friends wallets you just find business cards to show for their hustles in life. Any currency that was stumbled upon disappeared as fast as it came around. Ladies, please next year, can you just take Valentines day to be like any other day? Just wear red and be contented with it. Please no more suffering. Well, this was the plight of many of my male colleagues. I, on the other hand, am proud to say that I escaped unscathed and unscalped. For the nineteenth year in a row!!!! Well, last year I was stood up but oooh well, that was one of the cases where you wake up on the fifteenth of February and your broken ego is soothed by the sight of currency in your wallet. Anyway, where was I? Yes, for the 19th time I escaped the horror of Valentines day. That must be a record right? Anyone with the number of the Guiness Book of Records, anyone? Guys I know you have, just because Ulitobokwa (that means, pierced or rather those who were drained financially to my international audience) doesnt mean you have to do this. C'mon, help a brother out.
I see some of you are wondering "How does he manage to do that at such a consistent level?" I hate to brag, but I must say, I am the Ryan Giggs of escaping Valentines day. I should get a title for that. Something like, Daniel Kalya, the Valentines Avoider! Stop frowning, its a work in progress can Valentines Vanisher work? Naaah. I'm still working on it, chillax mayne dont pressure me. This is the Valentines Exceptionee at work. Drat! my creative muse is hiding from me. Come out come out wherever you are. I'll get you someday.
To continue with my brag. Its not that I dont care for my girlfriend. Our love goes beyond Valentines Day (Thats the excuse I used and guess what, it worked. All ye men must be hating me right now) and to add on to that, I delegated the Valentines day dinner to some one else. For once the friend zone did me some good (I so hope he doesnt see this coz he will definately demand for a refund). While ye men were busy sweating over the bill and the 22K champaigne, I was happy that Manchester United managed to get out of the Santiago Bernabeau with a point and an away goal. You see, for most of you Feb is Valentines month, for me it is Champions League month and for the sake of my friend one Ken Kiptoo and other Chelsea fans, EUROPA month. I just felt pain writing that. Lemme get a barf bag.
Anyway, enough small talk. Now today as I was heading from the gym. Why the surprise and the shocked faces? Yes, I do gym. I actually started last week. You see, getting home to mama's cooking made my already pronounced belly start to shout so I saw it fit to hit the gym. And no, there arent visible changes yet. Anyway, as I was leaving the gym today, I was heading to see whether I could get a bus home. You see, I live in an institution (NO! not a mental institution) a school institution and every day it brings school employees to town and picks up sufferes like us. So today, I missed that bus. I went and bought some fruits and on my way back, I saw the university bus. I ran to board it but apparently the driver was going somewhere else and coming back at 8 pm. it was around 7 pm then. So I alighted and started debating whether to go take a mat or just wait for the bus. I was heading to some bench that is usually around Standard Chartered bank (for those who know Nakuru) I passed between some curio shop and there was a street kid there playing (or rather destroying) with an airtel board. I passed him and he called out "Boss, nisaidie 10" as is the norm, I ignored him but he didnt stop he went calling "Boss, boss", I ignored and thought maybe he had given up but he hadnt. He ran besides me and was like "Boss, nisaidie 10 ya chai" I stopped and turned to him. I then thought "Maybe I could ask him a few questions to kill time"
For the sake of my international audience (But do I say?) I shall present the conversation in English. "That tea, where will you buy it from?" he pointed to some place and said "Its near those aerials" ( I am resorting to Kiswahili, sorry international community) I said okay and asked "Utapata chai ya ten bob kweli?" and he was like "Chai huanzia kitu 15 bob, lakini hio 10 itasaidia tu" I thought and then asked him whether he goes to school. He told me he goes to school and pointed in the general direction. He then told me that that was a school for the needy "Huko tu tunasaidiwa tusome na pia chakula. iko uko chini, kwa father. tunapewangwa chakula asubuhi, na lunch halafu jioni lazima tujitafutie chakula, ndo sasa tunakujanga town ndo tupate kitu ya kukula halafu baadae tutarudi uko tu shule. Shule watoto wadogo wanalalanga kitchen, tunapewa magunia halafu tunalala tu uko kwa kitchen" What he told me made me sympathise with him. So I asked him how he came till town and he told me after school he would just walk till town, beg for money then go back. I asked him how he would go back to school and he said he just walks, sometimes alone and sometimes with his fellow schoolmates. He then told me how if he gets some extra money he would save so that he could buy some shoes foe 200 shillings. he showed me his shoes and told me they werent even two months old but they were so worn out and he takes some extra cash to his teacher to help him get the shoes (or something of the sort. I didnt quite understand that part)
I asked the boy his name, and he told me that he is called John Kamau, he then told me how his mother had run away to Nairobi and his father is in Narok. His parents just deserted him. I asked him his age and he told me "Niko na miaka kumi na moja". My brother (our last born) is 11 years old. He is his agemate and it really pained me to think of parents deserting their children. I imagined what would my life have been had my own parents deserted me. What would have happened to my baby sister and baby brother? I wouldnt have turned out the way I am. I would have been worse than John.
I asked John about his safety and whether guys get beat up and he told me that they dont beat each other up and that what happens is that if someone does him wrong, he'll just mark him and tell his older friends who will revenge for him. I asked him his teacher's name and he told me "Teacher Ben" and how he takes some money to teacher Ben to save for him.
Despite all these, one thing really impressed me about this boy. The boy makes bead necklaces. he told me how he could buy beads for 20 bob and make necklaces which he sells to some guy for 20 bob. He had put one on and he removed it and showed it to me. It was a good necklace. It had red, white and black beads and something like a medallion at the front. I was amazed. He told me he even hadnt bought those beads, he had just picked them up. I was amazed and at the same time I was sad and felt sorry for the boy. Here is a boy with massive massive potential. Evidently bright, he has passed through alot for a boy his age. Being deserted by parents, having to sleep in a gunia, having to hustle money from people, some of whom insult him and treat him like an animal, but he is just a boy. A boy like you and I used to be. We had bikes to ride on but he has municipal council officers to run away from. We had a place to call home and beds to sleep on, but he has a gunia and the cold hard kitchen floor to call home. We had teachers and some of us even personal tutors but he only knows of Teacher Ben. Life hasnt been fair to this young boy. You look at your life and you thank God for what you have. Some if not most of us complain that what we have isnt enough but we ought to give thanks to God and not take anything for granted. I know it may seem hard especially for litlle John to do this, but the Bible tells us to give thanks in all circumstances (I cant seem to find the verses at the moment). What gives me hope is that the BIble tells us that God is the father to the fatherless, defender of the weak. He will provide for little John and many others like him. However, what I ask you and myself is, Are they really hopeless? Is there anything I can possibly do to help out? because it is not fair for a child to go through such. it is not right. anyway guys, have a good night and God bless you.
PS March is coming soon, my birthday is in March, my M-Pesa lines remains open at all times.
For feedback, you can email me Kalyadaniel@gmail .com or tweet me @Danielkalya.
God bless you and touch a heart
Wednesday 27 February 2013
Saturday 2 February 2013
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Happy February to you all. (I am still tempted to say "Happy new year!" but most of you are already tired of the new year) so finally February is here. The month of 'Loooooove' yes I know some of you are rolling your eyes at that but I know you, especially for the ladies! Valentine's day is the day most counted after number of days to KCPE and KCSE, yes, it beats christmas and Easter and Halloween (do people even do that in Kenya) now is the time when girls are all nice and good to us guys, all in a bid to escape the dreaded #teamforeveralone on Feberuary 14th, thereafter is when they'll go back to their usual selves, you know, ATT and the like and eyerolling, just like you are doing right now. Yes, I see you, and you too.
As valentine's day is the most awaited day for our beautiful and wonderful ladies (take that compliment, you wont get it alot from me) for guys its the most dreaded day of the year, the time of the year when all men are viewed to be santa. The demands that come our way during valentine's day! only the good Lord knows how we deal with it. I am pretty sure some guys are auctioning their girlfriends at the moment and those with no girlfriends but have those very close friends, you know, the ones who have friendzoned them, are really trying to close up business deals for valentines so that they get to be away, apparently, Valentine's day is the day when the friendzone is done away with, to be resuming at 12 midnight February 15th or even at 4pm February 14th depending on how early your date eneded. Mayne those who have friendzoned you but have no dates will be on your case so my fellow men, flee while you still can, when your body is still young and your wallent still heavy (its early Feb you know, still falls under 'end month') I pity bankers even more, Valentines day is their proper defination of mid-month, i mean being paid on the 24th, by 14th guys are as broke as......let me just say the similie 'as poor as a church mouse' fits them well here. Its ironic though, with them working in the bank and being broke, all that money within their reach but they cant have it, oooh the pain, so close yet so far. So, in the spirit of fellowship and support to my fellow men, even I, offer my girlfriend for Valentine, any takers? shez hot!!!! aaah I see hands. You, the one in the skinny jeans, she doesnt like those, get out! You, in supras, you are too young son, where is your ID, take your high school ID and go, aaaaah you, the only problem is that you are a wee bit to the lighter side, you see, she likes melanin, so I am afraid you have to leave, No sir, racism only applies when it is the dark fellows being victimised, yes adios, have a good time sir, you really missed a guuuudi one here. So i guess its me and her this Valentine's, not that I had any doubt about that. she wouldnt have taken any one though, its hard to be at my level. (yes, i see those eyerolls, Its true though)
What am I even saying, I have totally digressed from what I am to talk about, you see how Valentine's can affect a man, this is the time when a man's life can go totally downhill. A combination of spending, closely followed by rejection, is a good recipe for disaster. Chef Ramsey certified. Before I re-digress (is there anything like that?) where was I? Aaaaaah, Anger management.
Now anger is an issue that all of us are faced with and have to deal with. Everyone has anger, even the ones who put smiles on their faces 24/7 ask clowns, they'll tell you. I mean, with kids all over yanking your I dont know what and smacking you, these guys have to exercise alot of tolerance and self-control.
Anger is something that, if not dealt with, can cause alot of problems in a person's life, in how they relate to others and just many many things. Of course the ideal situation in life is there to be no anger, but unfortunately, this is not the case, we are all different people and people are bound to annoy each other and bore each other, and irritate each other, the issue is how to deal with these situations. Of course the root solution to the problem is to avoid angering others ( Is there such a word as angering?) but you get my point. Evidently, the universe decided to say NO to this approach so lets move on to the next point, how this anger can be managed to avoid escalations to the levels we saw during the PEV's and the recent (and sadly ongoing) Tana River clashes. You may think that anger is a small thing but it isnt, people kill others coz of anger. I believe you have heard of brothers killing each other because of the anger that is and was boiled and bottled up inside them, eventually it has to come out, someday, somehow.
Personally, I like talking it out with whoever is angry at me or whoever I am angry at, I have this condition, I dont know whether you have heard about it, but it is called "Lack of sleep" whenever I know somebody somewhere is angry at me, or I am angry at someone, more so if it is someone I love and care about, you know, my dad, my mum, my sister, I've never had any issues with my bro (but I guess thats coz of the age difference, my girlfriend, my close friends, I mean those people who are part of your life in some way. there are of course those who you dont really dont give much thought to them, I just let what they say pass, I experienced this alot in high school especially, you know, being in a school where your father is the principal, people are bound to talk and tell you stuff, these are the times when you should just let it pass and dont give it much thought.
This lack of sleep condition is genetic I believe, my father also cant sleep when he is mad at me or I am mad at him, many are the times we've been talking till like 2 am just sorting ourselves out, the procedure is usually the same, one of us does something wrong, (99% of the time being me) we keep quiet, he talks to me, I shut down, he gets mad, I get mad, tempers flare, we become reasonable at like midnight, then have a heart to heart. This is usually the most wonderful time, we get to know each other talk and be happy of each other's presence and both go to bed with smiles, hugging and laughing and in the morning everything is fine, asking each other how we slept, crack jokes and we continue living happily. My mother's approach is quite different, she never goes off the handle, she keeps quiet and waits, like a tigress and pounces at the right moment (she teaches psychology you know, I am the lab-rat) with a lecture I usually never forget, in a loving motherly way and she gets her point across and she is always right.
With my dad, I know everything would change if I dont shut down, so these days I tell him everything, well, almost everything about me, what I have, what I do, whats going on in my life, I know most of you wont believe this but I talk to him about girls, A LOT! and he offers me advice. The thing with anger, is we shouldnt let something that was meant to be happy cause tension. I remember a time when I had gone with some friends of mine to a certain school to give them a talk, that day I got in the zone (come to think, of it, I am always in the zone hehe) and ended up talking alot, preaching and basically covered up like everything everyone else had to say, my mum was so proud of me that day and we went home and my mum was telling my dad how I did well that day and instinctively, my dad wanted to know about it and asked me, I, in an effort to be 'humble', not to brag about what I achieved, gave him vague answers, I didnt mean any harm because I would have preffered my mum to tell him what happened, but by doing this, I was locking out my father from hearing what his son had donee, and theres no worse feeling than when you feel locked out by a person you love, I am sure many of you can attest to this. It is so frustrating, because here you are, stretching out to reach out to this person, but you are being blocked, every single attempt is thwarted. You feel so helpless, for us (my dad and I, we get sooo mad!) you want to talk to this person, share in his or her joy but its like talking to a wall! you need to talk to this person, you've got so much to share but you cant let it out. It is so frustrating. So that day, My dad got soooo frustrated, he got up, and threw his phone to the wall ( I shall not disclose its make), he threw it with so much force, the phone broke, he picked it up and just went and threw it in the dustbin and that is when it hit me, "Kalya, this wasnt nice at all at all" that night my dad tried to go to bed but he couldnt, he came out and we talked, I apologized and we just had a nice loving talk, needless to say, nothing of the sort has ever happened again.
And it happens like that, despite being angry, we shouldnt shut people who love us from our lives, communications is key, in any relationship, in family, boy-girl relationship, relationships between friends and relatives. Think about it, how many times have you and your family or girlfriend or boyfriend got into a fight just because you didnt talk or he didnt talk (or her?), you know, you went and met your girlfriend or boyfriend and he did something that you didnt like but instead of telling him or her that this wasnt nice, you keep it to yourself and later lock him out. I am sure many of you, especially guys, have got the silent treatment (my mum also gives me that sometimes) and you wonder, "What did I do?" you try talking but you get nothing, its even better talking to a wall, in the end you both get mad. How many relationships have broken because of this? think about it. How many families have ended in disarray because of this? the answer is alot! many many many.
One guy I really respect when it comes to communication is my high school deskmate. One Mr. Ken (you can follow him on twitter @capoKenn. He is very silly though) this guy and I used to frustrate each other alot!!! A lot I tell you but we never hesitated to tell the other once he crossed the line "Ken, hii ni nini unafanya? upuzi utaacha" and we'd sort it out like men. keeping thoughts and 'catching' without saying anything had a term 'Umathe' "Umathe utaacha", he told me several times whenever I was being all moody and broody, he also got his fair shair of the tongue lash as well, and this lead to a long and fruitful relationship as deskmates ( That just sounded so wrong) but it is the case, mark you, each of us had been dumped by our previous deskmates, I think coz of being too awesome, but I know that may be under contention, but it was a match made in heaven (okay, I know, I have gone too far) but it was as a result of communication and watching our tongues. Even the Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
So let us strive to talk and let others know what we think or feel, this helps alot in creating a harmonious environment. keeping it in will just bring issues later cos in Luke 6:45, the Bible tells us,
The good man brings good things out of the things stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart . For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So let us strive to talk things out, for if we keep it in, we shall talk, and talk in abundance. Have a blessed Sunday y'all and a wonderful month of love and a blessed blessed year. Peace, I'm out
As valentine's day is the most awaited day for our beautiful and wonderful ladies (take that compliment, you wont get it alot from me) for guys its the most dreaded day of the year, the time of the year when all men are viewed to be santa. The demands that come our way during valentine's day! only the good Lord knows how we deal with it. I am pretty sure some guys are auctioning their girlfriends at the moment and those with no girlfriends but have those very close friends, you know, the ones who have friendzoned them, are really trying to close up business deals for valentines so that they get to be away, apparently, Valentine's day is the day when the friendzone is done away with, to be resuming at 12 midnight February 15th or even at 4pm February 14th depending on how early your date eneded. Mayne those who have friendzoned you but have no dates will be on your case so my fellow men, flee while you still can, when your body is still young and your wallent still heavy (its early Feb you know, still falls under 'end month') I pity bankers even more, Valentines day is their proper defination of mid-month, i mean being paid on the 24th, by 14th guys are as broke as......let me just say the similie 'as poor as a church mouse' fits them well here. Its ironic though, with them working in the bank and being broke, all that money within their reach but they cant have it, oooh the pain, so close yet so far. So, in the spirit of fellowship and support to my fellow men, even I, offer my girlfriend for Valentine, any takers? shez hot!!!! aaah I see hands. You, the one in the skinny jeans, she doesnt like those, get out! You, in supras, you are too young son, where is your ID, take your high school ID and go, aaaaah you, the only problem is that you are a wee bit to the lighter side, you see, she likes melanin, so I am afraid you have to leave, No sir, racism only applies when it is the dark fellows being victimised, yes adios, have a good time sir, you really missed a guuuudi one here. So i guess its me and her this Valentine's, not that I had any doubt about that. she wouldnt have taken any one though, its hard to be at my level. (yes, i see those eyerolls, Its true though)
What am I even saying, I have totally digressed from what I am to talk about, you see how Valentine's can affect a man, this is the time when a man's life can go totally downhill. A combination of spending, closely followed by rejection, is a good recipe for disaster. Chef Ramsey certified. Before I re-digress (is there anything like that?) where was I? Aaaaaah, Anger management.
Now anger is an issue that all of us are faced with and have to deal with. Everyone has anger, even the ones who put smiles on their faces 24/7 ask clowns, they'll tell you. I mean, with kids all over yanking your I dont know what and smacking you, these guys have to exercise alot of tolerance and self-control.
Anger is something that, if not dealt with, can cause alot of problems in a person's life, in how they relate to others and just many many things. Of course the ideal situation in life is there to be no anger, but unfortunately, this is not the case, we are all different people and people are bound to annoy each other and bore each other, and irritate each other, the issue is how to deal with these situations. Of course the root solution to the problem is to avoid angering others ( Is there such a word as angering?) but you get my point. Evidently, the universe decided to say NO to this approach so lets move on to the next point, how this anger can be managed to avoid escalations to the levels we saw during the PEV's and the recent (and sadly ongoing) Tana River clashes. You may think that anger is a small thing but it isnt, people kill others coz of anger. I believe you have heard of brothers killing each other because of the anger that is and was boiled and bottled up inside them, eventually it has to come out, someday, somehow.
Personally, I like talking it out with whoever is angry at me or whoever I am angry at, I have this condition, I dont know whether you have heard about it, but it is called "Lack of sleep" whenever I know somebody somewhere is angry at me, or I am angry at someone, more so if it is someone I love and care about, you know, my dad, my mum, my sister, I've never had any issues with my bro (but I guess thats coz of the age difference, my girlfriend, my close friends, I mean those people who are part of your life in some way. there are of course those who you dont really dont give much thought to them, I just let what they say pass, I experienced this alot in high school especially, you know, being in a school where your father is the principal, people are bound to talk and tell you stuff, these are the times when you should just let it pass and dont give it much thought.
This lack of sleep condition is genetic I believe, my father also cant sleep when he is mad at me or I am mad at him, many are the times we've been talking till like 2 am just sorting ourselves out, the procedure is usually the same, one of us does something wrong, (99% of the time being me) we keep quiet, he talks to me, I shut down, he gets mad, I get mad, tempers flare, we become reasonable at like midnight, then have a heart to heart. This is usually the most wonderful time, we get to know each other talk and be happy of each other's presence and both go to bed with smiles, hugging and laughing and in the morning everything is fine, asking each other how we slept, crack jokes and we continue living happily. My mother's approach is quite different, she never goes off the handle, she keeps quiet and waits, like a tigress and pounces at the right moment (she teaches psychology you know, I am the lab-rat) with a lecture I usually never forget, in a loving motherly way and she gets her point across and she is always right.
With my dad, I know everything would change if I dont shut down, so these days I tell him everything, well, almost everything about me, what I have, what I do, whats going on in my life, I know most of you wont believe this but I talk to him about girls, A LOT! and he offers me advice. The thing with anger, is we shouldnt let something that was meant to be happy cause tension. I remember a time when I had gone with some friends of mine to a certain school to give them a talk, that day I got in the zone (come to think, of it, I am always in the zone hehe) and ended up talking alot, preaching and basically covered up like everything everyone else had to say, my mum was so proud of me that day and we went home and my mum was telling my dad how I did well that day and instinctively, my dad wanted to know about it and asked me, I, in an effort to be 'humble', not to brag about what I achieved, gave him vague answers, I didnt mean any harm because I would have preffered my mum to tell him what happened, but by doing this, I was locking out my father from hearing what his son had donee, and theres no worse feeling than when you feel locked out by a person you love, I am sure many of you can attest to this. It is so frustrating, because here you are, stretching out to reach out to this person, but you are being blocked, every single attempt is thwarted. You feel so helpless, for us (my dad and I, we get sooo mad!) you want to talk to this person, share in his or her joy but its like talking to a wall! you need to talk to this person, you've got so much to share but you cant let it out. It is so frustrating. So that day, My dad got soooo frustrated, he got up, and threw his phone to the wall ( I shall not disclose its make), he threw it with so much force, the phone broke, he picked it up and just went and threw it in the dustbin and that is when it hit me, "Kalya, this wasnt nice at all at all" that night my dad tried to go to bed but he couldnt, he came out and we talked, I apologized and we just had a nice loving talk, needless to say, nothing of the sort has ever happened again.
And it happens like that, despite being angry, we shouldnt shut people who love us from our lives, communications is key, in any relationship, in family, boy-girl relationship, relationships between friends and relatives. Think about it, how many times have you and your family or girlfriend or boyfriend got into a fight just because you didnt talk or he didnt talk (or her?), you know, you went and met your girlfriend or boyfriend and he did something that you didnt like but instead of telling him or her that this wasnt nice, you keep it to yourself and later lock him out. I am sure many of you, especially guys, have got the silent treatment (my mum also gives me that sometimes) and you wonder, "What did I do?" you try talking but you get nothing, its even better talking to a wall, in the end you both get mad. How many relationships have broken because of this? think about it. How many families have ended in disarray because of this? the answer is alot! many many many.
One guy I really respect when it comes to communication is my high school deskmate. One Mr. Ken (you can follow him on twitter @capoKenn. He is very silly though) this guy and I used to frustrate each other alot!!! A lot I tell you but we never hesitated to tell the other once he crossed the line "Ken, hii ni nini unafanya? upuzi utaacha" and we'd sort it out like men. keeping thoughts and 'catching' without saying anything had a term 'Umathe' "Umathe utaacha", he told me several times whenever I was being all moody and broody, he also got his fair shair of the tongue lash as well, and this lead to a long and fruitful relationship as deskmates ( That just sounded so wrong) but it is the case, mark you, each of us had been dumped by our previous deskmates, I think coz of being too awesome, but I know that may be under contention, but it was a match made in heaven (okay, I know, I have gone too far) but it was as a result of communication and watching our tongues. Even the Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
So let us strive to talk and let others know what we think or feel, this helps alot in creating a harmonious environment. keeping it in will just bring issues later cos in Luke 6:45, the Bible tells us,
The good man brings good things out of the things stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart . For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So let us strive to talk things out, for if we keep it in, we shall talk, and talk in abundance. Have a blessed Sunday y'all and a wonderful month of love and a blessed blessed year. Peace, I'm out
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