James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
This is one verse that is of great importance not only to Christian believers, but to every human being. The thing with this verse, however, is that it contradicts nearly every fibre of the human being, okay, okay, Miss Perfect, don't look at me like that! It contradicts nearly every fibre of my being. You see, I am the kind of guy who blurts out stuff before really thinking about them. Many times I gave stopped myself to think about what I'm going to say and I literally have nothing on my mind. Those are the times I stop and tell myself "Hmmm, that's weird" shrug and continue with whatever it is I was doing at the time. At times I could literally be diagnosed with verbal diarrhoea. Talking endlessly and yet saying nothing. Those moments where in the middle of a speech you say "What am I saying?" and "Wait, I seem to have lost myself. Remind me what I was talking about."
Most times I am big-mouthed. Very big mouthed. Especially if we are used to each other, yaani, kama tumezoeana. I can say the most random and stupidest of things. Things that I really cant explain later how I said them or why I even said them. I know this may come as a surprise to some of you who know me as the cute (you are rolling your eyes? I had said hunk then just decided to me modest. I thought about it) quiet, shy guy. The guy who never says much, just smiles and keeps to himself. Well, to you who knows me in this manner, NEWSFLASH: You don't know me. Don't feel too bad though. Now is your chance to get to know me. I'm pretty sure I can fit you in my schedule. Rolling your eyes again? Good, coz we are making progress. You are actually knowing me. Oh! I'm such a good teacher of myself. Biggup Kalya! *pats self on the back*
Anyway, what am I trying to say? Where was I? Owh yes. I was saying how much of a big-mouth I am. Especially when it comes to sarcasm and the silly questions well-answered. I remember when I was in high school. That is when I got to perfect the art of answering guys' silly questions really, really well. Many times my classmates, especially one Mr. Allan Ronoh (follow him on twitter @honor_ronoh. Weird handle right? well, don't blame him) would tell me "Kalya siku moja utakam kupigwa ju ya hio mdomo yako. Ngoja ile siku utapana na msee hujazoeana naye." For my international readers, well the guy was basically warning me that one day I would get my ass whooped coz of my big mouth. Luckily for me, his warnings never came to pass. I have ever got into trouble because of of my big-mouth though. I remember this time in primary I got into an argument with a good friend of mine. Read good friend. It was something to do with washing the classroom. The problem was (I think it still is) this friend of mine had a really short fuse. So the argument graduated from a simple disagreement to a war of words where I was like a Gor Mahia fan but in this case, rather than throwing stones, I was throwing words. Soon I found myself daring him to punch me. And a punch is what I got. Straight between the teeth. The guy got me mid-sentence right on my teeth! the incisors to be exact! And you wonder why I had to put on braces in high school.
Other than that, I remember when I got into trouble for being too smart with my mom. My own mother. Some of you don't see any problem with that? well let me clarify. My mom has a PhD! and here is a boy of short stature (at that time I was shorter than her) boasting of only a primary school certificate (which I had not collected) trying to act smart with her. I gave her one of those smart answers to a silly question and boy, oh boy. The scolding I got, the threats, chills, chills, cold chills went down my spine. Never have I been put in my place like that day. Needless to say, that has never happened again, not that the temptations haven't been there, trust me, they have. Some opportunities just throwing themselves at me. Especially from my dad but no. I turn the other chic and say "No, Kalya, its a trap. a mighty big one" and I take a deep breath and walk away. Coming to think of it, as I walk away, Kenny Rodgers song 'The Gambler' always plays in my mind.
You gotta know when to hold em
know when to fold em
know when to walk away
know when to run..
You see, all those problems have been brought about by my inability to at times be slow to speak. Being too quick off the tongue and you know, the thing with words, is that they are not retractable. Its not like you can collect your words. You cannot swallow your words, but you can your pride. This whole thing being talked about in James 1:19 has the potential of breaking good relationships. As I said earlier, these things affect guys who are used to each other. Because with guys who you are used to, you can be yourself. You can let loose and say things that might hurt them. It is your friends who know you. Your friends are the ones who know that you are short tempered. They are the ones who know that you talk a lot, that you are impatient. This is because you are free among your friends. You are in your comfort zone and with that, boundaries are at times breached. Level of respect goes down. You don't think about what you say and you just say them. Or you overreact to a simple thing, I mean, the same argument can be used the other way. You also know your friends. You know their characteristics, so rather than being quick to anger, relax, think about it, if there is an explanation, listen to it. Be quick to listen to it and be slow to speak because at that moment, what you say is of importance. Words have the ability to scare a person. They have the ability to pierce a person. The tongue has the ability to build and to destroy. It can build friendships, solid and long-lasting friendships or it can destroy good friendships.
All in all, think about what you say. It makes a big difference. It can hurt and scare, or encourage and build. Be a listener. Listen first before saying something. Give the person a chance to explain himself or herself and finally be slow to anger. Just take a deep breath in, then out, think about it, then go ask the person to explain himself. You see, its a cycle. I know it is tough (at least for me it can be tough) but its so worth it. So very worth it. Just take a look back and think of the conflicts you have been in and judge whether it was caused by lack of any one of those three factors.
Anyway, go in peace and make it your lifestyle to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. God bless y'all abundantly.
PS I didn't put on the braces coz of the punch I got to the teeth. Jeez! how weak do you think my teeth were?
