ANGER MANAGEMENT

Happy February to you all. (I am still tempted to say "Happy new year!" but most of you are already tired of the new year) so finally February is here. The month of 'Loooooove' yes I know some of you are rolling your eyes at that but I know you, especially for the ladies! Valentine's day is the day most counted after number of days to KCPE and KCSE, yes, it beats christmas and Easter and Halloween (do people even do that in Kenya) now is the time when girls are all nice and good to us guys, all in a bid to escape the dreaded #teamforeveralone on Feberuary 14th, thereafter is when they'll go back to their usual selves, you know, ATT and the like and eyerolling, just like you are doing right now. Yes, I see you, and you too.
As valentine's day is the most awaited day for our beautiful and wonderful ladies (take that compliment, you wont get it alot from me) for guys its the most dreaded day of the year, the time of the year when all men are viewed to be santa. The demands that come our way during valentine's day! only the good Lord knows how we deal with it. I am pretty sure some guys are auctioning their girlfriends at the moment and those with no girlfriends but have those very close friends, you know, the ones who have friendzoned them, are really trying to close up business deals for valentines so that they get to be away, apparently, Valentine's day is the day when the friendzone is done away with, to be resuming at 12 midnight February 15th or even at 4pm February 14th depending on how early your date eneded. Mayne those who have friendzoned you but have no dates will be on your case so my fellow men, flee while you still can, when your body is still young and your wallent still heavy (its early Feb you know, still falls under 'end month') I pity bankers even more, Valentines day is their proper defination of mid-month, i mean being paid on the 24th, by 14th guys are as broke as......let me just say the similie 'as poor as a church mouse' fits them well here. Its ironic though, with them working in the bank and being broke, all that money within their reach but they cant have it, oooh the pain, so close yet so far. So, in the spirit of fellowship and support to my fellow men, even I, offer my girlfriend for Valentine, any takers? shez hot!!!! aaah I see hands. You, the one in the skinny jeans, she doesnt like those, get out! You, in supras, you are too young son, where is your ID, take your high school ID and go, aaaaah you, the only problem is that you are a wee bit to the lighter side, you see, she likes melanin, so I am afraid you have to leave, No sir, racism only applies when it is the dark fellows being victimised, yes adios, have a good time sir, you really missed a guuuudi one here. So i guess its me and her this Valentine's, not that I had any doubt about that. she wouldnt have taken any one though, its hard to be at my level. (yes, i see those eyerolls, Its true though)
What am I even saying, I have totally digressed from what I am to talk about, you see how Valentine's can affect a man, this is the time when a man's life can go totally downhill. A combination of spending, closely followed by rejection, is a good recipe for disaster. Chef Ramsey certified. Before I re-digress (is there anything like that?) where was I? Aaaaaah, Anger management.
Now anger is an issue that all of us are faced with and have to deal with. Everyone has anger, even the ones who put smiles on their faces 24/7 ask clowns, they'll tell you. I mean, with kids all over yanking your I dont know what and smacking you, these guys have to exercise alot of tolerance and self-control.
Anger is something that, if not dealt with, can cause alot of problems in a person's life, in how they relate to others and just many many things. Of course the ideal situation in life is there to be no anger, but unfortunately, this is not the case, we are all different people and people are bound to annoy each other and bore each other, and irritate each other, the issue is how to deal with these situations. Of course the root solution to the problem is to avoid angering others ( Is there such a word as angering?) but you get my point. Evidently, the universe decided to say NO to this approach so lets move on to the next point, how this anger can be managed to avoid escalations to the levels we saw during the PEV's and the recent (and sadly ongoing) Tana River clashes. You may think that anger is a small thing but it isnt, people kill others coz of anger. I believe you have heard of brothers killing each other because of the anger that is and was boiled and bottled up inside them, eventually it has to come out, someday, somehow.
Personally, I like talking it out with whoever is angry at me or whoever I am angry at, I have this condition, I dont know whether you have heard about it, but it is called "Lack of sleep" whenever I know somebody somewhere is angry at me, or I am angry at someone, more so if it is someone I love and care about, you know, my dad, my mum, my sister, I've never had any issues with my bro (but I guess thats coz of the age difference, my girlfriend, my close friends, I mean those people who are part of your life in some way. there are of course those who you dont really dont give much thought to them, I just let what they say pass, I experienced this alot in high school especially, you know, being in a school where your father is the principal, people are bound to talk and tell you stuff, these are the times when you should just let it pass and dont give it much thought.
This lack of sleep condition is genetic I believe, my father also cant sleep when he is mad at me or I am mad at him, many are the times we've been talking till like 2 am just sorting ourselves out, the procedure is usually the same, one of us does something wrong, (99% of the time being me) we keep quiet, he talks to me, I shut down, he gets mad, I get mad, tempers flare, we become reasonable at like midnight, then have a heart to heart. This is usually the most wonderful time, we get to know each other talk and be happy of each other's presence and both go to bed with smiles, hugging and laughing and in the morning everything is fine, asking each other how we slept, crack jokes and we continue living happily. My mother's approach is quite different, she never goes off the handle, she keeps quiet and waits, like a tigress and pounces at the right moment (she teaches psychology you know, I am the lab-rat) with a lecture I usually never forget, in a loving motherly way and she gets her point across and she is always right.
With my dad, I know everything would change if I dont shut down, so these days I tell him everything, well, almost everything about me, what I have, what I do, whats going on in my life, I know most of you wont believe this but I talk to him about girls, A LOT! and he offers me advice. The thing with anger, is we shouldnt let something that was meant to be happy cause tension. I remember a time when I had gone with some friends of mine to a certain school to give them a talk, that day I got in the zone (come to think, of it, I am always in the zone hehe) and ended up talking alot, preaching and basically covered up like everything everyone else had to say, my mum was so proud of me that day and we went home and my mum was telling my dad how I did well that day and instinctively, my dad wanted to know about it and asked me, I, in an effort to be 'humble', not to brag about what I achieved, gave him vague answers, I didnt mean any harm because I would have preffered my mum to tell him what happened, but by doing this, I was locking out my father from hearing what his son had donee, and theres no worse feeling than when you feel locked out by a person you love, I am sure many of you can attest to this. It is so frustrating, because here you are, stretching out to reach out to this person, but you are being blocked, every single attempt is thwarted. You feel so helpless, for us (my dad and I, we get sooo mad!) you want to talk to this person, share in his or her joy but its like talking to a wall! you need to talk to this person, you've got so much to share but you cant let it out. It is so frustrating. So that day, My dad got soooo frustrated, he got up, and threw his phone to the wall ( I shall not disclose its make), he threw it with so much force, the phone broke, he picked it up and just went and threw it in the dustbin and that is when it hit me, "Kalya, this wasnt nice at all at all" that night my dad tried to go to bed but he couldnt, he came out and we talked, I apologized and we just had a nice loving talk, needless to say, nothing of the sort has ever happened again.
And it happens like that, despite being angry, we shouldnt shut people who love us from our lives, communications is key, in any relationship, in family, boy-girl relationship, relationships between friends and relatives. Think about it, how many times have you and your family or girlfriend or boyfriend got into a fight just because you didnt talk or he didnt talk (or her?), you know, you went and met your girlfriend or boyfriend and he did something that you didnt like but instead of telling him or her that this wasnt nice, you keep it to yourself and later lock him out. I am sure many of you, especially guys, have got the silent treatment (my mum also gives me that sometimes) and you wonder, "What did I do?" you try talking but you get nothing, its even better talking to a wall, in the end you both get mad. How many relationships have broken because of this? think about it. How many families have ended in disarray because of this? the answer is alot! many many many.
One guy I really respect when it comes to communication is my high school deskmate. One Mr. Ken (you can follow him on twitter @capoKenn. He is very silly though) this guy and I used to frustrate each other alot!!! A lot I tell you but we never hesitated to tell the other once he crossed the line "Ken, hii ni nini unafanya? upuzi utaacha" and we'd sort it out like men. keeping thoughts and 'catching' without saying anything had a term 'Umathe' "Umathe utaacha", he told me several times whenever I was being all moody and broody, he also got his fair shair of the tongue lash as well, and this lead to a long and fruitful relationship as deskmates ( That just sounded so wrong) but it is the case, mark you, each of us had been dumped by our previous deskmates, I think coz of being too awesome, but I know that may be under contention, but it was a match made in heaven (okay, I know, I have gone too far) but it was as a result of communication and watching our tongues. Even the Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1
                                   A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger
So let  us strive to talk and let others know what we think or feel, this helps alot in creating a harmonious environment. keeping it in will just bring issues later cos in Luke 6:45, the Bible tells us,
                                  The good man brings good things out of the things stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart . For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So let us strive to talk things out, for if we keep it in, we shall talk, and talk in abundance. Have a blessed Sunday y'all and a wonderful month of love and a blessed blessed year. Peace, I'm out