Don't Give Up On Love

Excitement, excitement, excitement! Guys, I have only one more month to go before I am done with campus life. Actually, it’s less than a month. 22 days to be excited. If you thought that countdowns ended with the Kenya Certificate of Secondary Education, you could not be more wrong! I am nearly done with the 8-4-4 system and finally get to go to the “World out there.” This world that we have been told about ever since pre-school. “When you get to the world out there….” We go to the “World out there” only to discover that there is yet another world out there once we are done with the “World out there” that we have just joined. I don’t know whether this will be the last “World out there” that I will be joining, but I am not afraid. Jesus has brought me this far and he will still keep taking me to where he wants me to go. The only downer to me finishing campus at the end of November is that I will have to wait 7 months to graduate. Why does Strathmore have only one graduation ceremony per year? They should style up in that regard. Anyway, I think I will use the time before graduation to “find myself.” That seems to be the in thing for most graduates these days. They want to do the thing that will make them happy, find their passion and since I want to be one of the cool guys, I wanna be “that guy!” so I guess I’ll go ahead and “Find myself.” However, my phone line will be open just in case any one of you employers reading this blog is impressed by me. My CV is very ready sir (or madam) you could show your interest as a comment right at the end of this blog post or through email, I really don’t mind whatever means that you use. Whatever you find comfortable is good with me.

Anyway, enough with my job seeking even before I’m done with my final exams, there is something that I felt I should comment about or rather, voice my opinion about. It is with deep concern that I notice the increasing amount of “I am not going to bother myself” when it comes to relationships. Especially for guys my age ie my peers. By peers I mean university going students and above. High school students and below please focus on your books, now is not the time to be chasing skirts. For the girls, these boys will always be there! Don’t get deceived by their letters and dedix (lol, who remembers writing “dedix” while writing letters to girls in high school? *sigh* good times) As a matter of fact, you will find even better boys once you get to the “World out there.” They will be so many you will have difficulty choosing them. (I sound sooo old giving out that advice hehehe). Aaaanywho, I was saying, the number of “I don’t care” and “I won’t bother myself” that I hear my peers saying is of concern to me.

Personally, I am a believer in fighting for what you want. Relationships, I believe, fall under what I want. I mean, that is the girl I want or that is the guy I want and that is why I am going out with him/her. For that reason, I believe that we should fight for what we want. Sure, relationships are not meant to be cast in stone, as long as you are not married, there is always the option of breaking up. However, some of the reasons I hear for breaking up are just so lame to say the least. Just because he did not call you before he slept last night does not mean he doesn’t love you. I mean, the guy was tired for goodness sake and he just dozed off only to wake up to a dozen texts of “Why haven’t you called me babe?” to “Babe are you ignoring me?” to “This is not fair at all! How can you just leave me here all night without calling me? Are you with someone else?” which evolves to “You don’t love me anymore. I know it! All this while I have been having my doubts but today you have confirmed it! I thought you were different, I thought you were better than all the other guys out there but No! you are all the same! You are a loser just like everyone else! And I know you’re with Shaquina! Why don’t you love me anymore?” which leads to the final text   “You know what? I can’t take this anymore! I have a life! You are not the only guy who’s been wanting to go out with me. There are so many other guys who have been waiting in line and since you have decided that you are going to have this new attitude, you are not going to reply to my texts or return my calls, I have some news for you mister! It is over! O-V-E-R! We are done! I don’t want to ever talk to you again loser!”

She then goes ahead and switches off her phone. Now, imagine the guy’s shock and confusion when he wakes up. I know it’s sad but I can’t help laughing as I picture that scenario. Man the guy would be flabbergasted. He was just tired from a long day at work, trying to make a living and this is what hard work cost him. I know some of you think that that is too dramatic but imagine it happens. I can bet a few of you have broken up in such circumstances so I don’t think that that story is too far-fetched.

Now to the guy, as the guy, I believe it is natural for you to be pissed off and to end up just breaking up. You would try calling her but finding her number busy or “mteja” would make you mad as hell. You try calling her friends but apparently she does not want to talk to you. You try going to where she is and you find her all cozy with another man and that is the last straw! You fume, you vent out, say expletives, insult her and her mother and break up “If that is what you want, we are done!” you say and storm off.

Here’s the thing though, as a guy, you are the one responsible for the relationship. You are the leader. Well, I do agree, such actions warrant you to be mad but that is a test of your character. Do not fly off the handle. Yes she is cozy with another guy (and by cozy I mean they are just chilling, making jokes and watching a movie maybe. Nothing bad as such, no making out and the like. Furthermore, that guys is usually a pal of hers that you know of) but in that situation, she wants you to fight for her, for you to exert your authority and show her that you still want her. Kindly but firmly ask her to talk. Don’t shout, just ask. Or you could ask the guy to give you guys some privacy so you can talk. Do everything within your power to get her to talk without getting mad. Tell her whether you want to break up or not. If you don’t want the break up then tell her! She may still be mad and insist on a break-up so give her some time. Give her a period of time to think and once she is cool and believes she can talk you guys talk and decide the way forward. That way, even if you guys break-up, at that time both of you will be clear headed and a rational decision will be made.

To the ladies, don’t be too dramatic guys. Yes you can feel bad, it happens but man! Don’t be that dramatic. You need to get your drama down and listen to the dude. Everything else is just being silly and messing stuff up. Don’t make decisions using your emotions. Also, don’t listen to your girlfriends too much! Their advice is not better that your decision when you are clear headed (I know I touched a nerve there but so be it). Bottom line, know that the relationship is between the two of you and it should remain that way, woe unto you when you listen to your girlfriend and find her going out with your man. These things happen. If you want the relationship, fight for it! That is all. Don’t break up coz of silly reasons. I leave you with 1^st Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres.

Oh and congratulations to my girlfriend, The Miss Tourism Kenya- Baringo County. Yes she won! To the guys, I shall be receiving fist bumps around Madaraka area. Just hala when around and my advice to you guys, panda mbegu ya 310 na pia wewe utapata kuonekaniwa na model. Peace I’m out

                                                                                                                 

On this 21st Birthday

On this day, 28th March,2014, as I celebrate my 21st birthday, I, Daniel Kalya Kiptiony, being of safe and sound mind, want to thank the almighty God for his grace, love and mercies just to enable me reach this new point in my life. Most of the times we take it for granted when we celebrate our birthdays and generally when we see a new day. We take it as a guarantee when we wake up in the morning well and good and I dont blame us for doing so because that is what we are used to doing. All our lives, we know that going to bed and wakin up in the morning is a norm. It is just the daily grind and this repetitive act makes us take waking up every single morning for granted while in fact, it is a miracle waking up in the morning. That is why, as I celebrate my birthday today I just want to thank God for his grace and his favour. It is God's favour for me to see this day and this new year in my life. 21 years ago, in a land far away (I am serious about this btw) my mom was huffing and puffing! Actually, she wasn't huffing and puffing coz I was born via C-section. Push for who? I refused to be pushed out! I decided, "If they are not coming for me, I am staying put right here. Let's see who will win." and I proceeded to suck my thumb like the boss I was. As expected, I had my way but I got a thorough spanking as soon as I got into this world. I can imagine being taken into my dad's hand, he was a young man at that time, should have been 26 almost turning 27 and my mom 25. My mom maybe was unconscious (I am not  sure, I am imagining all these) and my dad must have been confused, happy, scared all at once. I was (and still am) the firstborn and my dad must have been probably wondering, "What do I do with this thing?" thank God he did the right thing and took really good care of us, my mom and I. I arrived in this world at a time when they were both studying abroad. I imagine I spoilt a really good study date. Probably they were preparing for a CAT, or they were heading out for a picnic and my dad was like "Honey, where is the water bottle? I can't seem to find it." and my mom shouts from the room "My water broke!" lol the picture I am having in my head, my dad then probably said something like "Honey water can't break, it is in liquid state remember?" then my mom says, "Noooo! My water just broke!" and my dad is like "Are you sure you are not talking about the bottle? Coz water definitely cannot break. I wonder if I could find one in the mall, I remember you loved the green one..." "Honey the baby is coming!" must have been the cry that got him to his senses. Anyway, probably he took my mom to the hospital and then I was delivered and all and at that time when my mother was recovering and I was still cute he took care of us. He always tells us how he fed both of us so well that we looked like we were stung by bees hehe.
Fast forward to the time when we were back home, i trying to walk and talk, my parents encouraging me "Stand up, stand up Kalya." and trying to make me say "Mama" and "Baba" and all that stuff and eventually i got to learn how to walk and talk and the message changed from "Stand up Kalya" to "Kalya! Can you sit down!" Isnt it weird how parents spend the first few years of your life trying to make you stand up and when you finally do it they keep telling you to sit down. The irony of life. The same applies to talking. For me, I understand it when they tell me to shut-up coz I can be pretty loud at times, especially when watching football. 3 years down the line, on 1st May, 1996 my baby sister came into the world, my mother literally was in labor on Labour day. I hope Atwoli is taking notes, she should be awarded for being a faithful worker or something. My sister is the cutest thing ever! She came and stole my shine and now started having to share my stuff with her. On the bright side, i had someone to bully lol. That caused me a fair amount of beating though. My sister used to look up to me so much when we were young, she'll probably kill me for revealing this but she was an absolute tomboy. She used to love shaving her hair, like jordan! We'd wear matching clothes, she never liked dresses, even as she started going to nursery school, she used to wear shorts so that she could look like me. She has changed so much since then though, nowadays she like the absolute diva. Seeing her wardrobe confuses me, make-up kits, i dont know how many types of oils, they are so many! I only use vaseline and that is enough for me. Anyway lets not act surprised. It is a known fact that as girls grow to become women, the level of complication also rises. I love her so so much all the same.
Fast forward 6 years later to 7th March, 2002 when my baby bro was born, the little one of the family. My sister and I were so excited, we were both hoping for a boy, we chose where he was born, he is the one who i can remember the day he was born, we held him, loved him and he is growing up so well, though there is a high chance that he will grow taller than me. He has the sweetest voice ever! Ladies melt when they hear him speak, let alone sing. Its a good thing that he is 9 years younger otherwise he would have stolen my girl from me. I love him so so much and he is the best brother like ever. He is only 12 but the guy can cook like crazy. Look at all you ladies cursing why you had to be born in the 90's, lol look for your own cooks ladies.
Fast forward 11 years later to 1st January, 2013 when I asked out one ever beautiful, all stunning, super gorgeous, head turning, jaw dropping, conversation stopping lady to be my girlfriend. Needless to say she said yes when I asked her out, I mean, can say no to all of this? A big pile of goodness. That is a big deal for me because that was and still is my first relationship (romantic that is), God willing, I have every intention of it being the only one. I know i am young but a man got to have a plan for the future yawa. Can I hear an Amen ladies? No? all I hear are faint mumbles, I understand though. You all are gutted that I am taken. My apologies. I am afraid I cannot be shared.
All this quick flashback is me just thinking about my life and how blessed I am to be able to see this new year and actually thanking God for it. Those are not the only things. I usually consider myself to have 2 moms and dads. There is my biological mother who I love with all my heart and then there is Aunty Tabs. A wonderful lady who took care of me in my first year of university together with her hubby Uncle King. I usually say that I came to Nairobi for further studies and these are the people who took good care of me. They called me their lost son hehe, and their sons are like my small brothers. I am ever grateful to God for putting such people in my life.Then there are my friends. I have so many good friends. Mwendwa and Mulinge are prolly my big brothers, apparently I used to run to their place whenever my mom cooked githeri at home. My childhood was so much fun, all my classmates from primary to high school to university, then there are these brothers of mine in Mabalozi Acappella (Like the fb page guys) who make me laugh so much and help me grow spiritually as we go out doing what we love doing, which is singing and using the gift that God gave us to bring people closer to God. These fellas are awesome. Then there is this man Allan, i just had to mention him separately because this morning he was like "You guy its your birthday! Lets go play fifa" and rather than let me win because it is my special day the guy whopped me good. The scoreline is sealed (My girlfriend will probably disown me).
All in all, on this 21st birthday, I choose to thank God for who he is and for the blessings he has bestowed upon me, this day I will not take for granted. To mom and dad, as you read this, I love you guys so much, I know I wasn't able to celebrate this day with you guys but you guys mean everything to me, I wouldn't have been here if it were not for you. You have supported me, brought me up in God's word, taught me, encouraged me when I was down, supported me in my ventures, encouraged me to hone my talents, you guys know me and I am blessed to have such wonderful parents. The best parents in the world and it is my prayer that God will bless you guys ever so abundantly. My girlfriend is also a big blessing to my life, she is beautiful, that is a fact, yes but more than that she is like the best ever. Loving, kind, generous, God-fearing, compassionate. The little things that she does that make me feel like a man's man, the alpha male hehe. I'm just kidding though she is the best. My greener pastures hehe. Over the year we have grown together and helped each other become better people.
Thank you God for your awesomeness in my life.

PS my M-pesa line is open for everyone who wishes to celebrate my birthday with me but because of distance it is not possible, thank God for M-pesa because celebrating with me has been made easier.

Secret to a good relationship

I had a feeling that this is going to be a head turner. For some strange, unexplained reason, people have an urge to open any link that has the word relationship on it. Incredibly, many people generally assume that it's ladies who do it but today I am going to be a whistleblower (ladies you can thank me later) After this small whistleblowing escapade, I shall have to find myself a plane to Switzerland and hijack it because my life is going to be in significant danger. An Ethiopian Airlines preferably. Btw, that Ethiopian Airlines co-pilot who hijacked the plane, what was/is wrong with him? I am trying not to digress but couldnt he just land in Rome then take a train to Geneva and then ask for asylum? That makes sense to me. I find the whole thing funny though.
Men are the worst! They are the real silent readers just ask one @Rutovski, in fact, a good number have notebooks with them as they read these relationship articles, preparing mwakenyas because the struggle to woo a lady is real. It is hard I tell you. Difficult! I can hear the men shouting "PREACH BROTHER!" Preach I shall. Ladies you are very complicated creatures. Ask me why? For so many reasons, for instance, you guys like, scratch that, LOOOOVE Valentines day, I mean, who does that? Valentine was a Saint! Ideally we should all be going to church on February 14th but Nooooooo, you wouldnt have that, rather than we men worrying about the slight financial matter that would be offerings for that Sunday we have to step up to the plate (I have never got that, why would you step up to the plate yet you eat from there? Talk of stepping where you eat. I mean we have stools and ladders for stepping up) and take people to sijui The Tribe Hotel and get dresses and buy Gulliyan (did I spell that correctly?) and perfumes and all other things that are considered romantic, we have to do all this without even giving thought to the fact that financial scars from Njaanuary had barely left us. On that note, my fellow men, if you did not get an advance on your salary for Valentines, I feel you. I empathise, not sympathise, with you. It is going to be a tough 10 days for you till end month. I would have asked you to buckle up and brace yourself but most probably you'd need to sell the belt and buckle just to get by.
Anyway, despite this obvious flaw that is the love for Valentine's day, we still love you ladies to the extent of getting into a relationship with you guys. Last night I found myself thinking, actually no, I wasnt thinking, it just hit me! Like for real it hit me! Hit me to the extent of me saying I must write a blog about it. The main building block in a relationship is friendship. That is the main thing. After that thought hit me is when I started thinking. I thought about my friends. Especially those whom we've been friends for a quite a while and I thought about what we've gone through. For a good number of them, the friendship has perservered despite the number of conflicts...and fights that we have had over time. One Julius Amdany literally forced me into early retirement in high school football. In form three, during an inter-class game between my class and his, as I was doing my thing, shining as I mesmerized defenders who just lay sprawling on the ground, well-beaten, the guy came from nowhere and tackled me from behind. A career threatening injury it was. I sustained ligament damages on my knee that forced me to put on knee-support for the rest of the year (that was in first term mark you), however, that did not deter me! Like the mythical phoenix, I rose from the ashes. As soon as I was mobile again, I reinvented myself and became the class goalkeeper. I was pretty good I must say, a much better improvement to the error prone Allan Ronoh who had been trying to hold the fort. My stint as goalie was to be short-lived though because barely a year later, in form four, first term, the same Julius Drog Amdany, decided to break my hand. Another inter-class game, there was a foul on one of their players in the D, enter Julius Drog Amdany to take the penalty, he drove it to the right hand side of the goal and a mighty dive from yours truly ensured the ball couldnt get in but it was a stinging shot! I felt a shot of pain going through my body, the medical team came on and just pulled my wrist and i was ready to get back on the pitch. It was too painful though. To cut a long story short, he broke my hand. That officially led to my retirement as a high-school football player. My class was devastated, losing such a big player! Massive massive loss. Needless to say, they never reached their great heights since my retirement.
What am I saying? I am saying that despite this deliberate attack on my career by the guy, Julius and I are really good friends. Many other stories, dont get me started on one Daniel Okuku, the number of fights I have had with this guy but coz we are friends we always sort out our issues because that is what friends do. For the sake of gender equality (or is it equity? Pick whichever floats your boat) let me use a few lady examples as well. Now there is this Jackylne Njeri the number of fights and silent treatments I have got from her only God knows. Then there is one Daisy Jeruto who we've had conflicts with (though mostly I was the bad one). I very nearly forgot about one Liza Maru. This lady is pure fire! My entire high school life was an argument with her. Good times though. Real good times. It was like a dissing warfare with her and the rest of our classmates being the audience. Many times it got too personal to the extent of other guys telling us "Yo guys thats too much" but we always forgave and we remain good friends.
Why have I said all this? Well, because many times when I hear the way relationships have ended, its because guys did not start out as friends. The relationship is used as a means to an end. It is very important that in your relationship you guys are friends. This has really helped me out in my relationship with the one and only, the lovely, the beautiful,the cheerful, the gorgeous, have I said beautiful? If I did not, let me say, the beautiful Jacqueline Komen. Like every other relationship, we've had our fights, differences, conflicts (some really ugly) but the fact that we are friends with each other helps us to come to an amicable agreement (some take weeks, others minutes). I am not saying I have the perfect relationship but so far friendship has played a major role in what we do and I can say that I am proud of what I have.
Friendship is a core value not only in romantic relationships (if I may call it so) but in all sorts of relationships. Relationships with your parents, personally, I consider my parents my friends and they are a blessing to me and my siblings. My brother and my sister are my friends, my classmates, colleagues, even in business. Who you deal with should ideally be your friends. I know there is a perception that people shouldnt do business with their friends but business is a matter of trust and if you cant trust your friend, who can you trust?
The challenge for the day is to be friends with those around you. The Bible (I must always leave you guys with a Bible verse at least) in Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
The Bible in that verse tells us to leave at peace with everyone in as far as it depends on us and I believe being friends with everyone goes a long way in living at peace with everyone. Have a blessed and friendful day (if that even exists)

PS: I am not bragging or anything, but during Valentine's day, I still had a FIFA tournament. Jelous much guys? How I did it is topic for a whole other blog post. 

Bus Preachers. Sheer guts

11th February, 2014. Valentine's day is just 3 days away. I am sure all my lady readers have the countdown on your fingertips, right up to the second. I, on the other hand, and I believe that I speak for all men when I say this, am utterly terrified. Why did Valentine's day have to come on a Friday this year. Its a black Friday out here I tell you. Black Friday! We have nowhere to run to. If we go missing on Friday, the ladies have an extra two days to catch us. Do you realize how long two days are for a motivated woman? I dont even want to think about it. It just dawned on me, my Valentine is going to read this post. You may think that I am getting myself in hot water but actually it is a strategy. Okay, more of a gamble. You see, using this approach that I have taken, there are two things invloved (Please use Basket Mouth's accent while reading this part, thank you). One is that my dear, sweet Valentine's date (who is actually my girlfriend) will get mad that I am not a fan of Valentine's and she will be so mad that she will not talk to me till Monday, 16th February 2014 when she will have missed me too much, the other one, which is less likely, in fact chances are tending towards zero, is that my dear, sweet, loving, caring, girlfriend is going to feel my plight and understand the trouble and anguish that this Valentine's day causes us men and that she is going to sit me down and smother me with loving and kind words such as "No honey, you need not take me to dinner, your presence fills my appetite." and "Baby, you dont have to take out your wallet, I know you have been saving for Fifa 14, dont lose focus of the goal my sweet. Save money, take me to Altona's." (For my international audience, Altona's is a fast food chain in Kenya. It isnt a franchise though and its quite cheap). That would be music to my ears. Gentlemen, if you get a girlfriend like that, wife her now and thank me later. She is the epitome of understanding and all good things. Either that or your FIFA 14 is going to get broken to pieces, just like you broke her heart by not treating her on Valentine's day. All this can be avoided though, we can always hide our FIFA 14 CD's. We could come up with like a joint account or something. A safe of sorts where we stash our Fifa 14's. Anyway, enough of this Valentine's dillemma. Thats not what brought us here.
So today while heading to work, I boarded one of those buses which happened to have a bus preacher. I got to say, those guys have guts. It is not easy to stand in a bus and preach to a bunch of strangers. Not just strangers, but skeptics. Skeptics are there in plenty. You see, pastors have it easier because the congregation have come to church for a reason, the congregation is united in one goal, which is to hear the word. While preaching, they are not invading in your space or anything because you took yourself to church voluntarily. Bus preachers on the other hand take themselves to you. You did not ask them to come or ask them to speak. As a matter of fact, it is them who force you to listen to them. They are usually really loud. I remember I was trying to read an article on my phone but I just couldnt concentrate. I couldnt. I didnt have my earphones so I couldnt drown myself in music or Maina and King'ang'i in the morning. I was left with this loud preacher. I had no other option. So I put my phone in my pocket and listened to what he was saying, okay not really listening but more of hearing words because I was in a world of thoughts. At one point though, I found myself thinking like the Christian that I am and I couldnt help but smile in admiration. I mean, the guts that this preacher had is no ordinary guts. I am a pretty confident person, if I could say so myself. That is like one of my outstanding attributes that attracted my girlfriend to me (because of confidence I have this whole Valentine's dillema. Darn you Mr. Confidence) have I told you that she's a beauty? My goodness she is. A gift from God. Whenever I look at her and stare at her immense beauty I tell myself "When God took a rest on the 7th day, he was thinking of an action plan on how to create her." If you doubt what I am saying just ask @capoKenn, @NewnexBrian or @honor_ronoh on twitter. They will say what I have said is true beyond any reasonable doubt. Now look at all the ladies going "Awwwwwwh", thank you ladies, I am a sweet guy. Anyway, what was I saying, see how thinking about her just made me go blank. She shouldnt blame me if I forget about Valentine's day because when I think of her nothing else occupies my mind. Sharp thinking is also another thing that attracted  her to me.
Where was I? Oh yes, I am a pretty confident guy but I am not really sure I have the guts to preach in a bus. I mean there are hecklers in there. People would outrightly put you off and tell you to shut up. In this day and age the number of unbelievers is really high, especially those unbelievers who are vocal about it. Just yesterday I was listening to Larry Asego on classic 105 Overdrive and the topic was whether Christianity is relevant in modern day Kenya. He was asking whether churches are really necessary or whether they should be converted into "More important things" such as schools or clinics. Really sad. Listening to that yesterday and today looking at that bus preacher preaching God's word, reading the Bible to us and breaking into a song of praise really challenged my and should be a challenge to all the Christians out here. The Bible in Mark 16:15 says "And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." It is an order to us Christians to preach the gospel of Christ and to take it to others. Making it known to guys and to do this, for me to be able to stand on a bus and preach I will most definitely have to grow a pair. For us it is just a matter of hearing the call and heeding it, like in Isaiah 6:8 And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.” That is the challenge that I got today from that bus preacher. Growing a pair and actually proclaiming your stand. Declaring that you are on the Lord's side and asking guys to join you.Sometimes all it takes is some guts and you will have done something good. Thats all it takes. That is the challenge.
Anyway, before I leave you to ponder, I have to revisit this issue that rears its head every 14th of February each and every year, consistently, without having any regard for the gentlemen who have barely recovered from Njaanuary (for the international audience, Njaa means hunger, I hope so see what I did there). As a man, I believe it is my duty to deliver the binding agreement that was reached upon by TNOBAH, The National Association of Boyfriends and Husbands. In a press release dated Monday, 10th February, 2014.
"Dear Girlfriends, Wives and side chicks, due to certain circumstances beyond our control such as the increase in parking fee from Kes 140/- to Kes 300/-, the sudden appearance of drought in Turkana again, The looming impeachment of Embu Governor, The increase in NSSF rates, the frequent blackouts, Al-Shabab strolling through and having coffee at our airports etc we shall neither be taking part nor be available during this year's Valentine Day Celebration. Our country needs prayers and fasting and all men have agreed to engage in fasting and prayers through February 12th to 16th 2014. We humbly advice you to visit your parents and other family members to spend Valentine's day with them. After all, they are loved ones as well. We wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day celebration in advance. We will talk to you on the 16th of Feb, 2014. Thanks for your usual cooperation.
Signed
National Association of Boyfriends and Husbands.

And on that bombshell, do have yourself a lovely and blessed day. And to all gentlemen during this trying period, take heart. Together we will overcome. Whatever you do to spoil your lady, remember 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Homosexuality: A struggle of the faith

It’s a beautiful day people. The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, the waves are crashing. Ok, you can scratch out that last part lest you think that I am in coast but I am pretty sure that the waves are crashing. Beach crashing. Talking about crashing, why is it called gatecrashers or is it crushers? I know it means guys coming to a place uninvited but crashing. Ooooh. Now I get it. Gatecrashers,  as in they crash. No? You are not getting it? Smh. Okay let me lighten your load. Lemme break it down. You see, a crash is something unwanted, it happens without expecting so when you gatecrash, you surprise the gate. You get it offguard and get in. Ideally, the gate should be closed. I know. That is the silliest explanation of gatecrashing ever given but do not blame me. I shall refer you to the Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary. The meaning of gatecrashing is expressed there. The etymology of the word however, is not explained. My bad, I lost you at etymology? Etymology basically means the origin. Keep up with the language will you?

Anyway, where was I? This habit of mine of digressing is becoming quite concerning. Well, I heard it happens to really bright people so I guess I am blessed. An active mind I tell you. Could be a burden at times. So many thoughts, so many wonderful ideas. See? I digressed again. It’s a struggle. Hehe. How fitting, considering the title of this post.

Ah! Finally I have led myself to what I am supposed to talk about, or is it write or is it speak? Anyway, the message. Well, I am just from watching a movie called Reconciliation. Very good movie. It’s a Christian movie. I highly recommend it to you. By the way, before I continue. Christian movies have a way of bringing tears to your eyes. I don’t know if it’s just me but I think in all the Christian movies I have watched, at one point I have had balancing tears in my eyes. I so hope I will not regret confiding in you. My manhood is at stake here. Or as my good friend Newnex once put it, my manhood is at steak! I still laugh about that to this very day. That one should come under the title “The struggle of our language.”  Before I redigress, yes. I do have those moments of balancing tears when I watch a movie and there is a sad part. Don’t you dare judge me. It is not my fault that you have a hardened heart. God will soften your heart someday.

I know you are expecting me to go ahead and tell you the plot of the movie but that is too mainstream. I am not telling you! However, watching the movie made me wonder. Okay, I may have to tell you some part of the movie. The movie is about this guy who had a wife. Now, the wife was pregnant and about to give birth (what else would she give). However, during the pregnancy, the guy started getting distant with his wife. He wouldn’t attend the birth classes (never understood the need for those), he only went for one doctor’s appointment with the wife, he suddenly got too busy with work to the extent of having to go sign a deal on their wedding anniversary. As usual, the wife felt bad. She caught (pardon my translation, it is for the sake of my international audience). So during the day when the guy was signing the deal on a Sunday after church, the wife got a call from a hospital asking for the husband. She said he wasn’t there but they could leave a message. She was told that her father-in-law wanted to see the son that he only had a few days to live. This was weird because her husband’s father had passed away years ago. Anyway, when the guy arrived home, he found the house decorated, candle-lit dinner, romantic dinner tables…look at all the ladies going “Awwwww.”  The guy trying to be enthusiastic, he’d brought a bouquet of flowers. However, he noticed that his wife wasn’t happy. He inquired why and that’s when he was told about the call. Of course the shock, trying to settle down and explain himself. To cut a long story short, the guy had cut off all links with his dad because the dad was gay. He wanted nothing to do with his father and changed his name to his mother’s maiden name when he was 18 and that was the reason he got distant when the wife got pregnant because he feared having a bad relationship with his son as he had had with his father.

Anyway, that is just a preview of the movie. What caught my eye with the movie was how they handled that issue of gays or rather, the issue of homosexuality. Well, one thing is that, homosexuality is regarded as a really bad evil. Like, it is really bad. Gays are usually stigmatized, guys talk bad about them. I do know that it is wrong. It is very very wrong as a matter of fact. However, this is the thing I found interesting with regards to the movie is how it was handled. It gave me a new kind of approach. Let’s look at 1^st Corinthians 6:9-10

                “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (ESV)”

From the verse, homosexuality has clearly been mentioned. But so has sexual immorality, so has adulterers been mentioned. Now, let us put our thinking hats shall we? Which is the greater sin? Which one is considered more wrong when you put adultery on one hand and homosexuality on the other hand? I know my answer. Homosexuality is the worse one. I mean, how does one man sleep with another man? And not like sharing a bed but like having sexual intercourse. However, let’s go back to the Bible. Adulterers and homosexuals both suffer the same fate. Now here is the thing. I am not here to pass judgement or any condemnation. I love John 3:17. Look at you all shocked. John 3 does not end in verse 16 my dear one (for guys just don’t read the dear part). It says

                “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Well that is the thing. Many of us, especially Christians, cannot come close to gays. You cannot greet them as normal people. That is where many Christians flee away from. Gays do have it rough. Here is the funny part. Christians will have hands and arms wide open for adulterers, fornicators, you know, guys who are struggling with sin but want nothing to do with gays while they are also God’s creation. One thing that I learnt from that movie is that, in as much as homosexuality is a choice, it is also a challenge that people face. The same way that we, as the youth of this generation, are faced with many challenges, challenges like masturbation, pornography, fornication, the older generation (our parents generation) are faced with adultery (Adultery is so rampant that ‘Mpango wa kando’ is a normal and accepted thing) is the same way that gays are struggling. Some of us who are blessed with good looks say that “I can’t help it that ladies flock me” and “Don’t hate the player, hate the game” and so you flirt and cheat because it is your weakness. The same way that time and time again you find yourself fornicating despite being a Christian. The same way that every time as a guy you find yourself lusting after a hot mama, or a hot chic. Guys accept it as a struggle and are willing to help each other through it. You know, counseling each other, reading scripture but when it comes to gays, theirs is a struggle of the faith just like the rest of us. It is a desire of the flesh also. It is weird, but it is true. It is a desire of the flesh. They are attracted to fellow men or fellow women. Therefore, my challenge is, as Christians, let us not take the high road of self-righteousness in a way where we look down at gays while ourselves we are struggling with other forms of immorality. Whether we like it or not, gays are in the same boat as the rest of us. It is for us to pray for wisdom on how we should deal with this problem. Because castigation is not the solution, stigmatization is not the solution. Disgust and hatred is not the solution. It is hard but James 1:5 says

                “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

Gayism is part of the struggles our faith and it should be treated as such. Like all other challenges, people may not change but let us do our part. Have a blessed day and a blessed week.

In other news, witness 417 of the International Criminal Court just said that Kalenjins are “Tall, thin and black” I am bewildered. My identity is lost. I am definitely black but the other two…

Fatherhood

Before you jump into any conclusion, let me clear the air. I am not a father! NOT being the key word here so that title is not reflective of my life as a father. Disappointed? I knew you were looking to start a conspiracy theory. Rumours would have started flying all over the place about how Kalya is a father. I'm pretty sure someone somewhere has just jumped to that conclusion. The guy just saw the title of the post and was like "Get out of the way, I got everything I need. That man, ladies and gentlemen, that man, (as he points his stubby fingers vigorously) Daniel Kalya, is a father!" Much to the shock of the crowd. Gasps filling the entire lobby. How there is an entire lobby filled with people who know me comes about I don't know. It cant be much of a surprise though. It may be filled with guys like you, mafans, if you may allow me to call you. Ardent and very committed readers of this blog. Anyway, before I digress too far, lemme continue. "Daniel Kalya, is a father! I saw it with my own two eyes! I saw it! He wrote about it! Look, here is the title. Fatherhood! What else could it mean?" some heartbroken lady, yes heartbroken! Confused? Don't be. Lemme explain it to you and break it down. See, the issue at hand here is that there is an allegation that I, Daniel Kalya, am a father. I have an offspring. The implication of that hypothesis, should it be true, is that, I am a taken man. That is a sign that I am completely off the market. Totally sold out, that means that this limited edition is gone. No more productions. That is reason enough to make many a beautiful ladies to shed tears. Imagine the sigh of relief on their faces when they actually open the link and actually find out that I am still childless. I have a feeling someone is rejoicing right now. Girlfriends are being called with the good news "He is not a father! Girl I was so scared. My heart was in despair girl. Despondent is the state I was in. Phewks! I'm glad that is over." Now, this is the point where I break your bubble. Ladies, I don't like putting you in despondent states, I am not that kind of guy but I'm afraid I'm taken. *Pauses for dramatic effect* no don't cry, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Right now I'm hooked to the bait of one beautiful, lightskinned lady. Sorry for disappointing you. I really really am.
Anyway, on to serious matters. The topic of fatherhood is a very very serious matter. It affects all of us. Well, it came to me today as I was in fellowship. We were dealing on the topic of family relationships. That family relationships are actually worth fighting for. From the sharing, and from research in general, it is a fact that fathers are mostly the one that go missing in the lives of their children. The topic of fatherhood is close to me because I am a guy. First and foremost, I am a guy. In future, God-willing, God is going to bless me with children. I am actually going to be a father. You might be wondering why I am thinking about these things at this young age of my life but if I don't think about it now, when will I think about it? Now is the time when I look to the future and make choices. As a young man, this goes out to the guys who are reading it, now is the time when we make choices about the kind of men that we are going to be.
Most families have had situations of fathers being away. In fellowship, we were reading about the story of a lady called Holly. This lady went through a hard time. Her father walked away from them when she was only two years old, he remarried, basically he was absent her entire life, he came late for her wedding. It was just sad. Naturally, Holly was angry at her father. I mean, this was a guy who was meant to provide for her, to protect her, to guide her, to be her rock. He was not there to threaten to kill her boyfriends if they ever lay a hand on her precious daughter. She went through life without her father's presence. Naturally she was angry. Very angry for that matter. However, the amazing thing about her story is that, despite all this, she made an effort to reach out to her father. She remembered the times they spent together when she was young, she believed that a time would come when that special relationship would come back. She reached out to him. She texted him, called him just to say hi, visiting him and by God's grace, that relationship was restored. The relationship was restored so much that when her father was on his deathbed, wasting away because of cancer, he called her to tell her that he loved her. "I love you" is what he told her. Her attempts to reach out worked. While it may have not returned the years lost and gone by, at least it ended well.
Why did I say this, I might have digressed from the topic but the message is what is important. At times our relationship with our fathers especially is not the best. I don't know whether it is a problem with us men or what. At times we could be insensitive. Unlike our mothers who constantly care, men could have a superficial relationship with their children which is not good at all. At times that is not even their intention. Personally, I remember of a time when I couldn't really talk to my dad. The talks were the usual. Studies. Actually we only talked about my studies. You see, my dad was (and still is) very strict. He was a firm believer of "Spare the rod and spoil the child" which I thank God for because without it, I don't know where I would have been. I could be very naughty at times, and silly. Actually, the beatings I received as a child did me good. However, in the process of disciplining me, I got this fear factor. I couldn't like approach him because I feared him. However, I wanted more. I wanted more than just talking about grades and strategies to do better but I was scared to talk to him about it. One day though, I remember, we were waiting for my mom and I thought, "Lemme ask him something totally outside studies" I wanted to ask him but I couldn't. I went blank. I was scared! The guys who know me quite well know that my mind goes into total blankness when I am scared. Its like I go to the beginning of time where there was nothing and darkness covered the entire world. Akina Nyamwalo, Obath, Oreos know what I am talking about here. Anyway, I couldn't talk. I had to look for strength from deep within. Yaani, I mean deep, way way deep. I had to shovel for strength to ask him "Dad, can I ask you something which does not deal with studies" and he was like "Yes son" and we talked about relationships and all. From there, it was easy. I was even wondering why I was so scared. You see, I wanted to have that deeper connection with my dad. Here is the thing. He also wanted that. Other than being my father, he wanted to be my friend. That was the start of a whole new dimension in our father-son relationship. Right now we can talk about anything! We are friends. I am his friend and I can confidently say that he is my friend and I am proud of that.
I have said all that not to brag but to illustrate that some of the barriers we put between ourselves and our fathers are because of us. My father meant good disciplining me. However, I got scared and could not talk to him but all I had to do was talk to him. I believe that what was in his heart, that longing, the yearning to have a deeper connection with his son is in the hearts of all other fathers. Another thing could be the way that our fathers have been raised. It could be that they know that it is the children to reach out to them. From the way they have been, it is the fathers to be there. If the child needs anything, they should ask for it. That may be the mentality. However, we as the young generation. The next generation of fathers, I believe that we should change this. We should strive to have a relationship with our sons, our daughters. Make an effort to know them more. We should be able to know who our children are. That's the fatherhood that we should have. And even for those of us who do not have the best relationships with our parents. Take that step, take that leap of faith. Reach out to him. Text him, call him just to say hi. Not asking for money, just saying hi and kumjulia hali. Visit him someday. It may not be easy but be persistent. Remember the parable of the persistent widow? If not Luke 18:1-8 should refresh your memory. Persist and it will work out. God hears the cries of his children. For the Israelites it took 400 years but he answered and boy did he answer. All those manifestations! He hears and what is more. The healing that comes with a good relationship is just amazing! Reach out guys.
God bless y'all abundantly

This mouth of mine!

James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
This is one verse that is of great importance not only to Christian believers, but to every human being. The thing with this verse, however, is that it contradicts nearly every fibre of the human being, okay, okay, Miss Perfect, don't look at me like that! It contradicts nearly every fibre of my being. You see, I am the kind of guy who blurts out stuff before really thinking about them. Many times I gave stopped myself to think about what I'm going to say and I literally have nothing on my mind. Those are the times I stop and tell myself "Hmmm, that's weird" shrug and continue with whatever it is I was doing at the time. At times I could literally be diagnosed with verbal diarrhoea. Talking endlessly and yet saying nothing. Those moments where in the middle of a speech you say "What am I saying?" and "Wait, I seem to have lost myself. Remind me what I was talking about."
Most times I am big-mouthed. Very big mouthed. Especially if we are used to each other, yaani, kama tumezoeana. I can say the most random and stupidest of things. Things that I really cant explain later how I said them or why I even said them. I know this may come as a surprise to some of you who know me as the cute (you are rolling your eyes? I had said hunk then just decided to me modest. I thought about it) quiet, shy guy. The guy who never says much, just smiles and keeps to himself. Well, to you who knows me in this manner, NEWSFLASH: You don't know me. Don't feel too bad though. Now is your chance to get to know me. I'm pretty sure I can fit you in my schedule. Rolling your eyes again? Good, coz we are making progress. You are actually knowing me. Oh! I'm such a good teacher of myself. Biggup Kalya! *pats self on the back*
Anyway, what am I trying to say? Where was I? Owh yes. I was saying how much of a big-mouth I am. Especially when it comes to sarcasm and the silly questions well-answered. I remember when I was in high school. That is when I got to perfect the art of answering guys' silly questions really, really well. Many times my classmates, especially one Mr. Allan Ronoh (follow him on twitter @honor_ronoh. Weird handle right? well, don't blame him) would tell me "Kalya siku moja utakam kupigwa ju ya hio mdomo yako. Ngoja ile siku utapana na msee hujazoeana naye." For my international readers, well the guy was basically warning me that one day I would get my ass whooped coz of my big mouth. Luckily for me, his warnings never came to pass. I have ever got into trouble because of of my big-mouth though. I remember this time in primary I got into an argument with a good friend of mine. Read good friend. It was something to do with washing the classroom. The problem was (I think it still is) this friend of mine had a really short fuse. So the argument graduated from a simple disagreement to a war of words where I was like a Gor Mahia fan but in this case, rather than throwing stones, I was throwing words. Soon I found myself daring him to punch me. And a punch is what I got. Straight between the teeth. The guy got me mid-sentence right on my teeth! the incisors to be exact! And you wonder why I had to put on braces in high school.
Other than that, I remember when I got into trouble for being too smart with my mom. My own mother. Some of you don't see any problem with that? well let me clarify. My mom has a PhD! and here is a boy of short stature (at that time I was shorter than her) boasting of only a primary school certificate (which I had not collected) trying to act smart with her. I gave her one of those smart answers to a silly question and boy, oh boy. The scolding I got, the threats, chills, chills, cold chills went down my spine. Never have I been put in my place like that day. Needless to say, that has never happened again, not that the temptations haven't been there, trust me, they have. Some opportunities just throwing themselves at me. Especially from my dad but no. I turn the other chic and say "No, Kalya, its a trap. a mighty big one" and I take a deep breath and walk away. Coming to think of it, as I walk away, Kenny Rodgers song 'The Gambler' always plays in my mind.
                                                       You gotta know when to hold em
                                                       know when to fold em
                                                       know when to walk away
                                                       know when to run..
You see, all those problems have been brought about by my inability to at times be slow to speak. Being too quick off the tongue and you know, the thing with words, is that they are not retractable. Its not like you can collect your words. You cannot swallow your words, but you can your pride. This whole thing being talked about in James 1:19 has the potential of breaking good relationships. As I said earlier, these things affect guys who are used to each other. Because with guys who you are used to, you can be yourself. You can let loose and say things that might hurt them. It is your friends who know you. Your friends are the ones who know that you are short tempered. They are the ones who know that you talk a lot, that you are impatient. This is because you are free among your friends. You are in your comfort zone and with that, boundaries are at times breached. Level of respect goes down. You don't think about what you say and you just say them. Or you overreact to a simple thing, I mean, the same argument can be used the other way. You also know your friends. You know their characteristics, so rather than being quick to anger, relax, think about it, if there is an explanation, listen to it. Be quick to listen to it and be slow to speak because at that moment, what you say is of importance. Words have the ability to scare a person. They have the ability to pierce a person. The tongue has the ability to build and to destroy. It can build friendships, solid and long-lasting friendships or it can destroy good friendships.
All in all, think about what you say. It makes a big difference. It can hurt and scare, or encourage and build. Be a listener. Listen first before saying something. Give the person a chance to explain himself or herself and finally be slow to anger. Just take a deep breath in, then out, think about it, then go ask the person to explain himself. You see, its a cycle. I know it is tough (at least for me it can be tough) but its so worth it. So very worth it. Just take a look back and think of the conflicts you have been in and judge whether it was caused by lack of any one of those three factors.
Anyway, go in peace and make it your lifestyle to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. God bless y'all abundantly.

PS I didn't put on the braces coz of the punch I got to the teeth. Jeez! how weak do you think my teeth were?